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The Best Of The Worst Hunger Games Fanfics

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While you painfully anticipate the stirring performances of Jennifer Lawrence and the guy from Cheers, why not indulge in some fanfiction as a light appetizer before the grisly, harrowing, soul-crushing main course?

These fanfics are what we like to refer to as “the best of the worst”. This is no trivial distinction. It is one thing to just craft a fanfic that is the worst. Anyone can do that, c’mon. I could do it right now, watch:


“Gale and Katniss looked into each other’s eyes and saw each other’s souls.

Then Katniss said, ‘Gale, remember that time in the woods? Well... I’m pregnant.’”

BORING.

The worst of the worst is boring. Predictable. No one cares. It can sit in the bowels of the internet and eventually be flushed into down the vortex of obscurity and the ebb and flow of the tides of the Internet would remain unchanged.

But the best of the worst? Man, the best of the worst requires real imagination and flair. You just described primal, bloodthirsty, Cato as a "skater boy"? Man, that is so bizarre and far afield I think you have just developed a new artform onto yourself. That's the kind of twisted ingenuity that brings us here today, ladies and gentlemen.

So that being said - please, come with us on a journey. Enjoy our top 5 selections of some of the best-worst Hunger Games fanfictions you will ever read.

What If?
by Erin Bloodrein Sage

According to the site's search function, there are exactly 38 Katniss/Haymitch fanfictions on Fanfiction.net.

If you find yourself, for whatever reason, wanting to expand your shipping purview by adding a teen girl/her clear father figure by all means may we suggest "What If?" by Erin Bloodrein Sage.

The story takes place after the events of all three books. This might actually be easy to miss, because the traumatic, world-altering events of Mockingjay are just barely referenced throughout the whole thing. Katniss and Hamitch - *ahem*, excuse me, Haymitch - are back living in the Victor's Village. Peeta in a hospital in Capitol being taken care of by Katniss' mom for some reason. Gale is off getting engaged to Madge, even though in the original text it is heavily implied that she...did not survive the District 12 bombings. (But I guess it's never explicitly stated, so all right, ok, fair game.) Katniss is having nightmares about the horrific shit she witnessed and one night, decides to crash at Haymitch's so she won't have to "be alone".

After this, they essentially start cohabiting and *~*fall in love*~* Peeta and Gale are, understandably, pretty disturbed. Katniss and Haymitch kiss at Gale's wedding and everyone loses their mind. And by that I mean her mother starts screaming and Haymitch is apprehended by…"Capitol guards"??? For some reason?

Some notable quotes:


"She looked so much like Katniss, only older and blonde."

Sooo...basically, nothing like Katniss. If you couldn't tell this is a description of Katniss's mother, who the author names "Cathy" aka "Mama Everdeen" in her bolded "POV" section breaks she has decided to break the story up into.


"Hatmitch."

I breathed as he trailed kisses down my neck.

"Hmm?"

He don't break the trail of fire as he answered.

"Would you ever marry me?"

I'm pretty sure this one speaks for itself. Oh Hatmitch and your trails of fire!

Hunger Games High School
by Fourtris_Everlark_12

Oh my God, this is a thing.

So, High School AUs are a force of fanfictions onto themselves, but I suppose I never really deeply considered the depths to which they could be applied to the Hunger Games universe. For instance: “The Careers”? A built-in “clique” motif that just about every author employs. There are a lot of these kind of fics, just on Wattpad alone. And I mean, a lot a lot. It was hard to choose just one, but after careful deliberation I settled on the one that opens with Katniss and her sister watching her parents “make out”. That was how I knew this would be a solid winner.

The story: High school AU Katniss and Prim’s mother and father die in a car crash and as a result, they are sent to go live with their “cousin” Glimmer in California. (This is also a random recurring theme I kept seeing in these stories - someone is either being transplanted to or from California! You kids these days, fixated with California. It’s a big state, you know - it’s more than just LA and beaches!) Katniss has also been dating Gale for “four years” and while she is sad that her parents are dead and stuff, she’s glad that she get away from him- because apparently (TW: abuse) he is extremely physically abusive!

Hahaha! Not okay! So, Glimmer introduces her to her clique of friends, the “Careers”, and that’s how she meets that dreamy-eyed Peeta.

Who apparently has some issues of his own to deal with (TW: abuse)

“I get in my red Ferrari and drive home. I get a text from my brother Rye saying, ‘Yo bro mom’s pissed off and she’s beating our asses because of you COME HERE NOW! SHE HAS HER FREAKING ROLLING PIN!!’”


Spoiler alert:
Glimmer and Marvel end up kidnapping Katniss and giving her over to Gale. Why? You’ll have to read to find out! Classic high school man! Math class and homecomings and random kidnappings, am I right?

Little Darlings
by Stevie Wayne

So apparently, there was this bizarre movie in the 80s that featured two girls in a contest to lose their virginity during summer camp. Because, obviously, normal people don’t go to summer camp to do things like learn skills and/or make friends.

Don’t worry, though-- lest we thought this particular cinematic gem had been forgotten, the internet (or, more specifically, Stevie Wayne) has decided to re-create this masterpiece. However, instead of choosing your run-of-the-mill maladjusted teens for a modern day spin on this classic, said author decided to go with the cast of Twilight and The Hunger Games. Here is the summary:


“Forced to go to summer camp, not able to fit in with the other girls, Katniss and Bella are bet on to see which one will loose their virginity first. This Summer will change their lives forever. "Don't Let the Name Fool Ya." Please R&R. -”

I’m still not really sure how one goes about “loosing” their virginity, although I’d imagine it’s the opposite of tightening it up! BUT DON’T LET THE SUMMARY FOOL YA, YOU GUYS! These girls AREN’T darlings! Here is some dialogue to clarify that point:


“What are they going to do about protection?” Clove asked aloud.


“Protection?” Rue asked aloud.


“Birth control.” Glimmer said.


“Only God takes care of that.” Bella said confidently.

It’s truly a disappointment that this story was last updated in April of 2012, because I’d really like to see more of Peeta at his motocross camp across the lake. But alas, the universe had other plans for Little Darlings. Rest in peace!

Smoldering Coals
by Aretee

This is a Prim/Gale fic. Yes, you read correctly. I partially blame Twilight for someone thinking of this pairing. The “loser” of the love triangle ends up with the protagonist’s kid sister...or actual kid. In any event! The premise of “Smoldering Coals” is that gasp! Prim survived the bombings! (Yeah, I’m pretty sure this isn’t the only fic that has this premise.)

The author is careful to make this “four years later” - so Prim is 18 and everything is outside of our modern legal definition of pedophilia. Which many will find a very good thing, because this happens as soon as chapter two:

“Gale hugged her closer. 'I know how you feel. I haven’t been this close to someone in a long time. I won’t lie, Prim. You’ve grown up and I like what I see. I’ve always loved you as a sister...but…’ he trailed off.”

and then: they make out. He got over that “little sister thing” pre-tty fast.

Disturbingly fast,one might say…

So, passionate kissing happens chapter two. You might imagine it can only escalate from there. And it does...oh it does. I think perhaps the whole thing is made even more disturbing by the fact that this author actually has a grasp on conventional fiction writing - thus making it kind of hard to just laugh off?

This fic is long - like, over-20-chapters long. So head’s up: you gotta really wanna commit to this weirdness to see it the whole way through. It’s up to you to decide: is your sanity worth it?

Pubertal Prim
by Wemmabby

My first reaction upon discovering this piece of gold was that “pubertal” surely couldn’t be a word. Well, the internet tells me that it is...and it means exactly what you think it does. But that’s probably the only remotely correct thing about this story. Here’s the summary:

Primrose Everdeen is going through the dreaded phase that we all call puberty. Even worse, she's faced with the most awkward mom ever, a sister that doesn't seem to care about her, and an ex-lover that's falling for someone else.

In case you’re wondering who this ex-lover might be, it’s revealed pretttty quickly in the author’s note when it’s proudly declared that said author supports “Team Priffie forever!”

Aaaaand right about now, everyone’s thinking “Priffie...she can’t mean...OH, NO!”

But OH YES, dear readers! Prim/Effie fanfiction DOES exist! And here is an excerpt, in all of its glory!

She laughs, thinking of the one and only Effie Trinket...aka, her ex-lover and best friend. They’d dated for only a short while, but Prim was positively in love with this woman. Unfortunately, they broke up because Effie had kissed Haymitch in the moonlight...but Haymitch was much more manlier than her, anyway. She wonders if going through puberty will be enough to get Effie back.

However, even more shocking than the fact that “much more manlier” is used as an actual superlative phrase is the thinking behind using puberty as a reason to date someone.

But don’t worry, in case anyone was curious, puberty isn’t all sunshine and butterflies! At least according to Katniss (who only appears wearing something called a “leopard bralette”), puberty is downright awful! In fact, here’s what will happen to you:

"First, your chesticles are going to blow up like flamboyant balloons, and blood is going to pour out of your vag and you’re probably going to think you’re dying, and you probably are.”

Prim handles this any matured, reasoned adult would-- by running up to her room in tears and blasting One Direction all night.

I mean, that’s how I handle things, anyway.

Whaddya know - Prim also rocks out to One Direction at the beginning of Hunger Games High. Readers, let’s be real with each other for a moment - if there is any Hunger Games character that would rock out to One Direction in an alternate universe setting, it is not Prim. It is probably Peeta.

So, those are some of the best-worst Hunger Game fics we were able to find. But this is the internet. We know there’s more - and we also know that there’s a very good chance that one of you reading this right now just might know of some others. If you do, we ask that you kindly link us to it in the comments. We’ve seared your brains, so you have every right to sear ours

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