Quiz: How Legitimate Is Your Rape?

If you're looking at this Buzzfeed quiz thinking there's nothing funny or cute about rape -- you're right.

There is nothing funny about rape. If you've been raped, help is available. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) is a good resource. Call RAINN at 800-656-HOPE. And no matter the circumstances surrounding sexual assault, every rape is a legitimate outrage. You'd think we shouldn't have to repeat this.

And yet there are those who parse these acts of violence for political gain. In 2012, Todd Akin, a Senate candidate in Missouri, talked himself into a dark place when he argued against a rape exception for an abortion ban.

"Well you know, people always want to try to make that as one of those things, well how do you, how do you slice this particularly tough sort of ethical question. First of all, from what I understand from doctors, that's really rare. If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

Excuse me? "Legitimate rape"? Rape is rape. And it can get you pregnant (in case you were asleep in 6th-grade health class).

Akin lost the election, as did another anti-abortion politician who said something similar. After that, anti-abortion politicians learned how to change the subject when abortion came up, to sound nice and non-threatening, and never, ever to say "legitimate rape" again.

Or so we thought. But it's happened again, and in Missouri to boot. Now this guy — Rep. Rick Brattin — is proposing an extreme bill that would limit access to abortion and includes a limited exception for rape survivors. As Rep. Brattin put it, the exception only applies to survivors of "legitimate rape," who report and then prove the crime.

Rebranding didn’t take. Retraining didn’t work. So we thought a quiz on Buzzfeed might help these politicians figure out which rapes are legitimate. If you're a politician who needs help finding your morals, this quiz is for you:

Question: What's better on reruns?

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ANSWER:

Whichever you choose, the point is that reporting a rape or proving a rape has absolutely nothing to do with a woman’s right to access safe, legal abortion. Remember that little case called Roe v. Wade? Yeah. That case made what Rep. Brattin is talking about expressly unconstitutional.

Question: What Lipstick Color Is Better?

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ANSWER:

It doesn’t matter what color lipstick she was wearing. Or how short her skirt was. Or whether she had a couple of glasses of wine. A woman doesn’t give up her right to say “no” even if she’s dressed cute, flirting, or drinking. No matter what.

Who was your favorite character in the 1985 movie "Volunteers"?

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ANSWER:

Here's what really matters: Until recently, Peace Corps volunteers could not get an abortion in cases of rape, incest, or a life-threatening pregnancy. These volunteers put their safety on the line to help people around the world, so you'd think we'd give them at least the same reproductive health coverage as we give our military and other federal workers, but no.

While other federal service women have had an exception to the federal funding ban on abortion in cases of rape or incest, or to save the life of the woman, Peace Corps volunteers haven’t had the same protection in their health care coverage — until now. That means Corps volunteers who have been assaulted and get pregnant as a result now have coverage for safe, legal abortion.

Question: What was a better war movie?

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ANSWER:

That might be her favorite, too. Sexual assault in the military is a problem because the chain of command has not been responsive to survivors’ claims of rape. Often, rape survivors in the military have to serve in the same units as their attackers.

The women and men who protect our national security need to be able to count on their personal security. Given the military’s record on policing itself, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand proposed a bill that would put prosecutorial authority outside the chain of command and into the hands of an independent body. It almost passed.

Sen. Gillibrand hopes that members of Congress will come around given the results of a new Pentagon poll, which showed that the number of assaults is still high, only a small fraction of assault survivors make a report, and nearly 2/3 of survivors experience retaliation. Here’s hoping.

Question: What fraternity would you pledge?

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ANSWER:

The controversy with the badly sourced and poorly reported Rolling Stone story has fed the negative stereotype that many rape accusations are false. In fact, only a small percentage (2-8%) are false. Statistically speaking, men are more likely to be victims of sexual assault than to be falsely accused of it.

But the Rolling Stone fallout shouldn’t reduce survivors of assault to a statistic. Sexual assault is a crisis every single time it occurs, to every individual who is violated. And not believing survivors hurts them, as well as the movement to end sexual assault.

Which foreign land would you move to?

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ANSWER:

Whatever country you choose is going to be the wrong one if you are a woman in need of U.S. foreign assistance to access safe, legal abortion because of a rape. It’s called the Helms amendment and for over 40 years it has banned U.S. foreign aid from paying for abortions “as a method of family planning,” but global health funding programs currently extend beyond the letter of the law by interpreting this to prohibit funding for all abortion — even in cases of rape, incest, or threats to the life of the woman.

Around the world, women in especially traumatic situations are denied a health care procedure that's legal in their countries -- and in ours. Women are consequently more likely to subject themselves to unsafe abortions or be forced to continue pregnancies against their will. But women’s rights advocates are working to change that.

See Your Results!

If you need to take a Buzzfeed quiz to find out whether a rape is legitimate, your moral compass couldn't find True North with a guide dog and a flashlight. Saying the words "legitimate rape" makes it sound like you're accusing many (or most) women of faking their sexual assaults. That falls so far short of basic decency that it barely merits contempt.

Rape is rape. Period.

If you already knew that, join us in telling these guys they need to STOP. Just, stop.