1. When there was something ominous in the works for the Pisces community:
Pisces: Be sure someone is at the ready to clear your browser history. Today may be the day your number’s up.
2. When Aquarius needed to steer clear of the banana stand:
Aquarius: Whatever you do today, do NOT eat that banana.
3. When Sagittarius had more than just Twitter followers:
Sagittarius: Someone has been following you. Don’t look behind you. He’ll notice, and then it gets really creepy.
4. When Capricorn probably forgot to pay rent:
Capricorn: Opportunity is knocking at your door today. Or it might be your landlord.
5. When burrito bowls wronged Virgos everywhere:
Virgo: Today your fear comes from within. Shouldn't have had Chipotle for lunch.
6. When Aries probably needed to call up a local tailor:
Aries: Today you may feel very torn. Hope you know a good seamstress.
7. When Libra emptied the liquor cabinet:
Libra: You may receive some sobering news. You're all out of booze.
8. When Scorpio was literally the worst:
Scorpio: If you misuse the word "literally" one more time, I will "literally" unfriend you.
9. When Cancer was in for some R&R:
Cancer: You may end up in hot water today. Hopefully a jacuzzi.
10. When there was no hope for Taurus:
Taurus: It's time to give up. You'll never find that missing sock.
11. When Gemini needed to put safety first:
Gemini: Today you'll want to dive in head first. Wear a helmet.
12. When there would be no visits to the Grand Canyon for Aquarius:
Aquarius: You need to find more balance in your life. Until then, stay away from jagged cliffs.
13. When personal hygiene paid off for Aries:
Aries: You look refreshed and glowing today. You should shower more often.
14. When YOLO was not the motto for Scorpio:
Scorpio: If you live like there's no tomorrow, there might not be. Ponder that.
15. When Libra needed to live by the wise words of NSYNC:
Libra: You haven't been feeling very "in sync" with your partner. Is it time to say "Bye Bye Bye"?
16. When Leo was not the best cook in the kitchen:
Leo: You feel the urge to stir the pot. No, really, your soup is burning, stir it.
17. When Capricorn needed to take a trip to the optometrist:
Capricorn: Today you'll be blind to the situations that are right in front of you. It’s time for reading glasses.
18. When the internet was the Gemini's savior:
Gemini: There should be lots of fun in-store for you today. But if they're out of stock you can always order online.
19. When Pisces needed not to get so worked up:
Pisces: Try not to get overwhelmed. Just stay whelmed.
20. And when Sagittarius was a little too trusting:
Sagittarius: You'll be feeling very gullible today. See, you totally just bought that.
So much wisdom 🙌
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