OH HELL NO! IT'S TWIN V. TWIN AS JEDWARD COME TO BLOWS!

We're used to the super-close pop duo hugging it out, but the video for their new single and official theme song of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! sees John and Edward Grimes beating the living fudge out of each other. So, which twin comes out on top? There's only one way to find out...

Clobber:

Both boys are sporting obligatory bling-tastic footwear. Hair is flat in both camps to minimize drag and grab-ability. But while Edward keeps it simple in a military style shirt, John dons some pretty lethal looking spikes, so he wins this round.

John: 1 - Edward: 0

Pre-rumble form:

John gets pumped with a light sprint and finishes with a flourish that Footloose!Kevin Bacon would be proud of. Edward flexes his fist and runs his hand along the filthy wall in a manner which suggests he gives precisely zero figs about the potential dangers of tetanus. Chilling.

Edward: 1 - John: 0

Fists:

Maybe Edward's deploying some kind of Matrix time bending thing, but John's first punch is a sorry affair, and totally misses its mark.

Edward lands a strike and John goes down like a knackered lift. Edward sprinkles some salt on that wounded pride with a 'come at me, bro' gesture. This kitty has claws.

Edward: 1 - John: 0

Intimidation techniques:

John appears to be targeting the hard of hearing with his in-your-face hand gestures...

...while Edward's "I'll smack you up" sounds more like a promise than a threat coming from that angelic face.

I've seen more menacing baby rabbits, tbh, and for that reason, both twins score 0 in this round. Aww.

Special moves:

Oh HELL-oh! Shit just got real. John comes in like a wrecking ball with a front-flip/smack-down combo before showing his brother who's boss with a foot to the chest and a collar grab. Did it suddenly get hot up in here?

Edward counters with a power hoof, turns his glorious visage to the heavens, and laughs in a finisher worthy of Mortal Kombat. A strong game from both lads here, but John wins by a beautifully coiffed hair's breadth for finesse and sheer UNF-ability.

John: 1 - Edward: 0

Rhymes:

Jedward are no strangers to cooking MCs like a pound of bacon, but who's a lyrical gangster and who puts the 'c' in rap?

John throws some serious shade, with references to beat downs, enemies, snake venom, and "coming at you fierce like a hurricane". John's choice of predator and extreme weather shows flagrant disregard for both sharks and tornadoes - a ballsy move when writing the theme song for a film franchise based solely on those two things. That earns extra respect in this round.

Edward ramps up the violence, threatening to smack anyone who might take issue with his decision to rhyme the word 'pieces' with the word 'ignoramus'. It's hard to argue with that kind of devil-may-care 'tude. Bonus points for the repeated and largely contextless use of the words "zoom", "boom", and "doom".

Edward: 2 - John: 2

Tenacity:

While it seems Edward is the victor, John is not going to take defeat lying down. So he stands the funk up. Then he dusts himself down, which involves raking a hand over those deadly looking spikes like an absolute BAMF, and puts up his dukes. Atta boy! Edward turns to face his plucky brother, disbelief and grudging respect etched on his flawless features. Will this be a truce? A fight to death? Who can say. All I know is it's too close to call.

Edward: 1 - John: 1

So at the end of this epic battle, the scores stand at 5 apiece! Well, what did you expect from two genetically identical warriors?

Oh, and don't worry. Despite appearances, John and Edward remain the very best of friends.

Oh Hell No is released on 22nd July to coincide with the Syfy premiere of Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! The single is available to pre-order on iTunes now and, you can watch the full video below right now! Oh Hell Yes!

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