39 Funny But Also Painful Truths About Being Over 35
TFW your body starts to unravel.
1. You don't differentiate your knees as "left knee" and "right knee" anymore. Instead, you call them "good knee" and "bad knee."
2. You start every email with "Sorry to get back to you so late."
3. You now buy expensive cheese not occasionally.
4. And you buy wine based on factors outside of price.
5. If you drop change, you take a second to decide whether it's worth bending over for.
6. You feel bad about (or physically can't) sleep in on weekends.
7. You can only very vaguely remember what going to a concerts is like.
8. You have not considered attending a music festival in years.
9. You still think that the nineties happened were 10 years ago.
10. You can't get up from the couch anymore without bracing for the pain.
11. You'd rather pay for a good hotel room than cram yourself with 11 other people in a cheap hostel.
12. You have very good friends whom you haven't seen in months.
13. You start shaving your shoulders, and other weird areas.
14. You stop grooming yourself down there.
15. The only days you might still go out drinking are Fridays. Because let's be realistic: Your hangover now lasts all weekend.
16. There's nothing that makes you happier than when a social engagement gets cancelled at the last minute.
17. You have grown-ass Tupperware that you bought yourself.
18. And you actually use it.
19. You turn on the TV and wonder who all these apparently famous people are.
20. You tend to your nose hairs.
21. You know that life is too short to be trying new restaurants all time — so you stick to your favorite standbys.
22. Your friends are getting pregnant on purpose.
23. It seems like it's getting dark out earlier and earlier.
24. You have gray hairs.
25. And gray pubic hairs.
26. And you've stopped fighting both.
27 You wonder when you got so picky about your food.
28. Anything that hangs on your wall is framed, probably with custom framing.
29. It drives you crazy that there are people who were born after 2000, and they are like, participating in the economy and shit.
30. AND you're terrified that they can drive.
31. There's nothing more demoralizing than not understanding something, searching for a tutorial on YouTube, and getting it explained to you by a 12 year old.
32. You suddenly have an opinion about things you couldn't care less about in the past. For example: mattress quality.
33. Or throw pillows.
34. Fast food suddenly has a noticeable effect on your body weight.
35. And on your digestion.
36. Spicy food is now a 50/50 bet.
37. You get mad when someone calls you after 9 pm.
38. You stop putting up with so many people's bullshit...
39. And you start loving yourself more and more.