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10 Ways to Deal With Your Anger Problem

This time of year, Anger Problems can surface like sea monsters roaring up from the depths of the ocean. You might not have known you have an Anger Problem and surprise! There it is, cutting in front of you at the grocery store. I do not have an Anger Problem. I am nice nice nice. But in case you need help, here are a few methods for coping.

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1. Be aware of those around you and adjust accordingly. Anger Problems can be the worst on Black Friday, Small Business Saturday (whew! we got past those!) Sinner Sunday, Cider Monday, Terrible Twosday and Thump the Bastards Thursday. Wednesdays are usually cool.

2. Eat. Why not? Pig out. It softens your edge. Edges.

3. Think of your family like the elves at the store--they're trying to be helpful, even if they're irritating. And remember: now is a fine time to avoid the subject of politics.

4. Stand up straight. This is a simple thing to do and it makes you feel better. I'm always telling myself to Stand up straight! and stop frowning! Why are you all hunched over like that? You look like you have an Anger Problem! What will people think?

5. Wear a dental guard at night to keep from chewing your teeth to stubs while you sleep. (How does one sleep through that? I don't know, ask someone with an Anger Problem. I do not have that.)

6. Take control of your finances. Control, control, control! Get gifts for your loved ones. Don't buy presents out of obligation, because it's awkward when the obligated parties don't get you anything.

7. Drink. Drink as much as you can. Drink wine. Drink scotch. Drink punch. And stay home.

8. Don't drink. It only makes things worse.

9. When you're driving (after not drinking), resist honking and swearing. You can drink when you get home.

10. Don't take your anger out on others. They can't help it. It's the holidays for them, too. Chew your teeth instead.

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