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<b>New York's hottest club is...QUIZ.</b>

Which Stefon Club Are You?

This place has _everything_: Lights, psychos, Furbies, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, sunburned drifters with soap sud beards. You know, that thing when the hobo becomes a rich man, so they take that big bubble bath?

Crease

Club promoter Gay Liotta is back, and this time he’s… gone… crazy. This place has _everything_: Twinks, gypsies, grown men in wedding dresses, a cat from a bodega, puppets in disguise. You know, it’s that thing of when Alf wore a trench coat, so he could go out into public.

Slice

This place has _everything_: Gauze, carnival barkers, groups of guys with afros in graduation caps, human fire hydrants. You know, it’s that thing of when high-waisted midgets have like, the red pants and the big ass.

Twice

Nightlife designer Tranny Griffith is back with an all-new club that answers the question, “Huh?!?” This place has _everything_: Ice sculptures, winos, Germfs – German smurfs – a Teddy Ruxpin wearing mascara, an old lady wearing Kid ‘N Play hair, and none other than DJ Baby Bok Choy. He’s a giant 300-pound Chinese baby who wears tinted aviator glasses, and he spins records with his little ravioli hands.

Taste

Located at an abandoned orphanage on the Lower Lower East Side of Chelsea, this round-the-clock puke party is creation of narcoleptic club owner Snoozin’ Lucci. This place has _everything_: Pugs, geezers, doo-wop groups, a wise old turtle that looks like Quincy Jones — and you’ll have your own _When Harry Met Sally_ moment when you share a special kiss with Gizblow, the coked-up gremlin.

Booooooooof

This lower lower East Side dump is the creation of club owner Tranderson Cooper. It finally answers the question, “Do I have to?” This place has _everything_: Schitzos, kite enthusiasts — and that’s not all! Look who just came in — it’s Blingo! You know...Black Ringo.

OOOOOONTZ

This place has _everything_: Ghosts, banjos, Carl Paladino, a stuck-up kitten who won’t sign autographs, furkels. You know, fat Urkels. After you’ve been with one of those guys, you’ll ask yourself “Did I do thaaaat?’”

Push

This club has _everything_: 12 jacked albinos, 11 Little Richards, 10 piercer babies, 9 Asian Balkis, 8 gay Aladdins, 7 psychos swearing, 6 PuertoScreechens (Puerto Rican Screeches), 5 homeless Elmos, 4 coked-up frogs, 3 French hens, Tay-lor Ne-gron, and a hu-man park-ing coooooone! You know, that thing of when two jacked midgets paint themselves orange, and you have to parallel park between them.

Blitzen

This place has _everything_: Freckles, potato people, a room full of Heprechauns – Leprechauns with Hep C. Plus, you can hit the dance floor with a group of Hoombas! You know, human Roombas. It’s that thing of when you put a midget on a skateboard and it slides around on your floor eating garbage.

Wee Little Baby

Don’t be fooled by the charred Red Lobster sign out front; this club _is_ a burned-down Red Lobster. This place has _everything_: A shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, a sensible dinner, those shoes that nurses wear — and you can dance the night away to the sounds of Donald Duck having a Vietnam nightmare.

Your Mother and I Are Separating

Opened at gunpoint in a Lady Footlocker, this Long Island cold spot is managed by infamous gay running back Blowjay Simpson. This place has _everything_: Soda, purple stuff, Sunny D, and a VIP room for football jellyfish. You know, it’s that thing when NFL players have the helmet, but with skinny dreads hanging out.

...Kevin?

This place has _everything_: Tweekers, skeevies, Spud Webb, a child, and a Russian guy who runs on a treadmill in a Cosby sweater. Plus, the bouncer’s a bulldog who looks like Wilford Brimley, and the password is “dia-beat-us!”

Heeyyyyy!

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Which Stefon Club Are You?

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