Your first job out of high school was at Consolidated Cardboard.
You've fallen asleep in the middle of at least one phone call after doing too much Blue.
You bought all your favorite albums by Sister Sheila, Mother 13, S. Hitface, Old Skull, and Norse Savage at CD Submarine.
You can't watch Happy Days because they never show Funzie stealin' nothin'.
You always get misty-eyed when you remember the late Kevin Allin.
You voted for Philly Boy Roy Ziegler in the 2008 mayubernatorial election.
You fondly remember when Brendan Fraser aged himself up with Oldzonareveren for his role in President Baseball.
The Jock Squad goons at Radio Hut have smashed up at least one of your electronic devices.
You've been punched out by Hammerhead at a local hardcore show.
You refuse to watch Survivor after what they did to poor Reggie Monroe.
You've paid rent to stay at Bryce Prefontaine's lean-to in the woods behind the Footlocker Grey at Newbridge Commons.
You have memorized every line of "Rock & Roll Dreams'll Come Through" by The Gas Station Dogs.
Trent L. Strauss is your favorite filmmaker.
You or someone you know has hooked up with Sheila Larson at some point.
You know the difference between a chain fight and a slap fight...
...and a belt whip and a laser whip.
You're used to pretty much every building in town being infested with mice wearing capes.
Lemon and rye are your favorite flavors of batter-butled fare at The Batter Butler.
You consider this book by Ronald Thomas Clontle to be the ultimate argument settler.
You have an extensive collection of Shouterday Night Live episodes on VHS tape.
You were scandalized when you heard about what Judge Davies was doing under his robe.
You're still pissed off that Rambocky didn't win the Academy Award for Best Picture.
You bought your last three cars at Gene Simmons Toyota.
You are forever scarred by – yet totally obsessed with – the things you saw in The Magazine.
You didn't believe Timmy Von Trimble was real until you held him in the palm of your hand.
You don't mind risking a bit of heart stoppage by devouring an entire Chocolageddon from Dessert Town.
Your house is stocked with Hippy Johnny soap, toothpaste, and motor oil.
You still can't believe Archie got the electric chair in the series finale of Archie Bunker's Place.
You live in constant fear of getting stomped, barged, whipped, or exsanguinated.
You always go to – oh wait, I think that's Officer Harrups!
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