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    48 Ways To Make Your Life A Million Times Better

    You owe it to yourself to try.

    1. Start your day with this book.

    2. Wear what you love.

    Don't forget a snack or seven.

    3. Do your hair.

    4. Or wear a jaunty hat.

    5. Make your money burgle-proof.

    6. Ensure you're prepped to face the world.

    With this DIY garter belt.

    7. Eat breakfast without getting cheese dust on your fingers.

    If you don't think that Cheetos are part of a nutritious and delicious breakfast then we have nothing left to say to each other.

    8. Scramble an egg inside of its own shell.

    It's magical. Watch the video here.

    9. Defeat the monster that is the freezing cold toilet seat.

    10. Take a relaxing bath with a book.

    And use a retractable leash to make sure it never falls in again.

    11. Remind yourself how perfect you are.

    12. If you have a baby, make sure he or she is all clean.

    13. And safely ensconced in the best fort of all time.

    14. At work, make this your desktop wallpaper.

    15. Or turn your computer into a Shaquintosh.

    16. Buy something crazy on eBay.

    17. Sit however and wherever you want to sit.

    18. Make up a new screenname.

    19. Enlist the help of a higher power.

    20. Use these words.

    21. Make the most of your job.

    22. Do a little redecorating.

    23. Back home, make over your bathroom.

    24. Attach a car vent air freshener to your AC.

    Your place will smell amazing (at least, as amazing as a car air freshener).

    25. Cover your refrigerator in pizza.

    26. Turn your backyard into a comfy oasis.

    27. Velcro your remote controls.

    You'll never lose them again.

    28. Make your cat do all the work.

    29. Or your kids.

    30. Unwind by making a rainbow rose.

    Get the directions here.

    31. Or some pornographic perler art.

    32. Jump around.

    33. Take a sassy selfie.

    34. Make an extension cord monster friend.

    35. Replace your queen with the mother of all queens.

    36. Take a nap on a comforting bed of breadsticks.

    37. Fill your fridge with something you love.

    38. Break your diet.

    39. Make a quick and easy dinner.

    Just press the hot water button without inserting any pods, and you’ll have the meal of your dorm-room dreams in seconds.

    40. Or an ingenious one.


    41. (But remember the old adage:)

    42. Draw chalk around the food that you don't want ants to get in.

    Like your pet's food bowl.

    43. Put some Kool-Aid in your beer.

    44. Put scrunchies on your dog.

    45. Remember that Bill Clinton used to listen to Hole.

    46. And that life is both sweet AND sour.

    47. Be glad you're not these guys.

    48. Give yourself a fucking hug.

    You deserve it!