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    11 Festival Looks That Need To Retire In 2012

    As you pack your Coachella weekender bag, please remember that you don't have to dress like a nu-rave hippie freak. (Sidenote: Does anyone actually enjoy watching bands sober in broad daylight?)

    As Coachella draws near, my inbox becomes crammed with useless festival style suggestions from retailers. Of course, they're begging me to buy the usual hippie-dippy, fringey-dingy skimpwear, hoping to capitalize on my desire to get as "free-spirited" as possible. Thanks, but no thanks. A girl really only needs one sheer midriff beaded-fringe crop top to get by — the kind that handily doubles as part of a slutty Halloween costume in the fall.

    For some reason, "festival style" has stagnated, bypassing the fickle temperament of the fashion zeitgeist. You'd assume that boho died years ago along with the Sienna Miller era of 2005-2006. Yet it thrives at summer music festivals, where homogenous hordes of youth and bare skin come together in a dystopian summer-of-love nightmare that looks nothing like 1969. But no matter what type of festival goer you are, there's no reason to re-purchase that crocheted vest, even if your old one's still caked with mud from last year.

    Sorry, do I sound like I hate music festivals? Maybe I'm just the type to stay in a hotel rather than live in a teepee, and find more enjoyment in eating a giant spiral french fry on a stick than taking ecstasy before the Deadmau5 set. (Yes, ironically while festival style devolves, festival cuisine is really pushing boundaries.)

    GIANT SPIRAL FRENCH FRY ON A STICK

    But you don't have to wear the same nonsense to this summer's festivals that you've worn the past five years! Here are my tips for updating Ye Olde Summer Festival looks.

    Tired Look #1: Feather Accessories

    Instead Try: Ear Cuffs

    And These Moccasin Alternatives

    Tired Look #2: The Flag Motif

    Instead Try: CATS!

    Tired Trend #3: Teeny-Tiny Cut-Offs

    Instead Try: Shorts That Aren't Cut-Offs

    Tired Trend #4: Crocheted Vests

    Instead Try: No Vest

    Tired Trend #5: The Fringy Bag

    Instead Try: A Leather Cross-Body Bag

    Tired Trend #6: Midriffs

    Instead Try: Cutout Patterns

    Tired Trend #7: Cowboy Boots

    Instead Try: Sandals And Boots With Tough Hardware Details

    Tired Trend #8: Exposed Bras

    Instead Try: A Cropped Tank or Bustier

    Tired Trend #9: Fur

    Instead Try: A (Non-Crocheted) Vest

    Tired Trend #10: Headbands And Floppy Hats

    Instead Try: A Doo Rag

    Tired Trend #11: Face Paint

    Instead Try: Juggalo Makeup