1.
Pulling hair during sex is old. Take her wig off & put it on your head
2.
Sex so good you knock Alan out of a tree while he's having his dinner.
3.
"Do you have any bird houses I could have sex with?" "Sir, we only have bird houses you can have sex with."
4.
My favorite festive sex position is "the ornament"; its when someone barely touches me and I fall and emotionally shatter into 100 pieces
5.
After I orgasm, I yell "Aaaaand scene." Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say "Ummm. We'll call u."
6.
When yall aint got shit in common but sex
7.
Shower sex is overrated fuck me in the microwave
8.
men will literally nut 45 seconds into sex and have the audacity to ask if you came. yeah i came to the wrong house
9.
When he starts yelling too many instructions during sex "now flip over...on yo side...turn around...look at me..."
10.
Yeah sex is cool but have you ever closed 15 tabs after finishing a project
11.
*during sex Her: This feels weird, is it a water bed? Me: Nope. Way better. *pulls back sheet to reveal hundreds of meatball subs
12.
Whoa slow down there, babe
13.
*puts "Baby on Board" sticker on car so people will think I've had the sex*
14.
Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba
15.
16.
one time i had sex while watching zootopia for the first time and she got mad because i kept looking at the movie l… https://t.co/Gx3IaEhjQw
17.
18.
Being beer pong partners is the same as foreplay
19.
When he putting the condom on and you just waiting there like 😂
20.
When y'all having sex and she starts choking you
21.
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing
22.
yeah sex is cool but have you tried washing your dishes right after you use them so they never pile up in the sink???
23.
sure sex is great but have you ever had sex