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17 Jokes That'll Crack You Up, But Will Take A Second To Register

"*Woman throws a drink in my face but I swallow it all perfectly*"

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once i buy an overpriced planner for the school year that will help me pretend i have my life together for only about a month, its over for you hoes

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have not stopped laughing at this text from my dad, a copy editor for Christ, since i got it yesterday

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[first day as a bartender] Customer: I'll have a martini, dry Me, staring at all the liquid ingredients: I don't know how to tell you this

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doctor: [handing me my new born baby] I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it me: [handing baby back to him] bring me the one my wife made

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my grandpa got bitten by a spider and he was really upset so i went to get some cream but before i could leave the room i heard him say "at this age i can't handle the responsibility of being a spiderman"

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My friend Luke didn’t realise until he was an adult that lukewarm was a real temperature, he thought it was just a term his mum used to describe his bath water.

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my grandma caught my sister with a boy in her room😭😭😭

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maybe i do want children https://t.co/77K8zvfhsm

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This was on my parents cruise breakfast bar this morning... shreks head

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*Woman throws a drink in my face but I swallow it all perfectly*

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