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Meet The San Francisco Giants, And All Their Sexy Nicknames

I'm a gay San Francisco Giants fan whose live-tweets of the game @paulhogarth bring a special "twist" to sports reporting. As the Giants proceed through the playoffs and win the World Series again this year, I am introducing you to its wonderful players.

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The San Francisco Giants beat the Washington Nationals for the Division Championship Series, and then advanced to beat the St. Louis Cardinals for the National League Championship Series on Thursday, October 16th. They now advance to play the Kansas City Royals next week for the 2014 World Series.

The Giants won the World Series in 2010 and 2012, and this being an #evenyear they will win again. You don't have to be a sports fan to love the Giants, and you don't even have to like baseball. The Giants in the playoffs brings the whole City together, and as a San Franciscan I got wrapped up in the Giants fever four years ago. Now I am hooked.

As an openly gay man in San Francisco, I have taken my Giants fandom to a whole new level that most regular baseball observers don't partake in. I live-tweet most games @paulhogarth when I can attend or watch, and my tweets have attracted a certain level of notoriety.

Everyone follow @paulhogarth for the most shamelessly-objectifying #sfgiants coverage. Everything is below the belt!

— chris roberts (@cbloggy) October 2, 2014

@paulhogarth @bcraw35 They're people, Paul, not pieces of meat, solely existing as a resting place for your lurid and lustful gaze.

— Jesse, King of Scots (@SFTovarishch) October 2, 2014

I can't wait for the #SFGiants season to start so I can be reminded of @paulhogarth nicknames for all the hotties 😍

— The Sassy Princess (@baseballbridget) March 21, 2014

So as a public service, it's time that I introduce you to the lovely San Francisco Giants—and all the sexy nicknames that I refer to them while cheering them on. As they go on to play the Kansas City Royals in the World Series, everyone should know about their sexy nicknames.

First and foremost, is Buster Posey—who I call "Boyfriend." I lust over all the players on the team—but only Buster is the boyfriend you take home to momma.

Boyfriend was a rookie in 2010, when we won the World Series the first time. He got injured for the 2011 season, but came back to help us win in 2012—and was the National League's Most Valuable Player.

Everybody loves Boyfriend, because he always gives these terrific hugs and has the most awesome can-do attitude on the team.

And he's so considerate, that he picks up trash in the middle of the game. Good Southern manners!

When Boyfriend takes off his catcher's helmet, I just wanna run my fingers through that hair.

And when you're at a game, the most important factor as to whether or not you have good seats …

… is if you have a really nice view of Buster Posey's ass.

At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

But Boyfriend is not the jealous type. We have are other hotties on the team.

Hunter Pence ("Sexy Beast") is definitely the goofiest player on the team.

Sexy Beast has the most idiosyncratic way of swinging the bat.

Which he's not opposed to poking fun about, as this video below proves.

His teammates call him the Reverend, because he always gives these inspirational speeches in the locker-room. Like this one below, which the networks played live and then had to apologize for the over-abundance of "F-bombs."

View this video on YouTube

Via youtube.com

But I nicknamed him Sexy Beast, after I saw this shirtless photo of him.

When the Giants played the Mets in New York, some Mets fans started this meme that dissed Sexy Beast.

But Sexy Beast and his fans have been having fun with this meme, and it's gone viral.

And besides, what we all know about Sexy Beast is …

HUNTER PENCE KNOWS HOW TO BOUNCE AGAINST A WALL ... and

HUNTER PENCE LOOKS REALLY GOOD SHIRTLESS

Dreamy Eyes is a lifelong Giants fan, as this 5-year-old photo of him proves.

In the wild card game against the Pittsburgh Pirates last week, Crawford hit a grand-slam—which was the first time in Major League Baseball history that a shortstop hit a grand-slam in the post-season.

His teammates call him the Professor, but c'mon. Look at his dreamy eyes.

Can't you just gaze into his deep, blue Dreamy Eyes and get lost in them forever?

I mean, seriously …

Here is Dreamy Eyes holding two puppies. Could it get any cuter?

I really want this nickname to go viral, so I got a custom-made Giants jersey.

I wear it when I go to Giants game, and the people in the row behind me start cheering "Go Dreamy Eyes" when he's up at bat.

Sometimes, even the sports reporters in the press box take notice.

One of my views from the press box tonight. Yes, it says Dreamy Eyes. #SFGiants pic.twitter.com/RZwRMVapuK

— Wendy Thurm (@hangingsliders) July 27, 2014

At the 2nd Giants game against the Washington Nationals, Nine Inches hit a home run in the 18th inning—ending the longest running playoff game in MLB history.

There are three Brandons on the SF Giants team: Crawford, Belt and Hicks #TogetherWeAreBrandon

For a while, I was gonna nickname Brandon Belt "second-hottest Brandon," but let's be honest. He deserves more than that (and his teammates call him "Baby Giraffe.")

I mean, for one thing he has a really nice ass. But we can't just call him "Hot Ass," because Boyfriend Buster Posey has a nicer ass.

But then I figured, okay he's #9. So my nickname for him is "Nine Inches."

Because don't you love the way Nine Inches swings his REALLY long bat?

I will admit that I have no personal knowledge of whether he actually is nine inches, but he's from Texas. And as they say, everything is bigger in Texas.

Anyway, my Twitter followers like the nickname "Nine Inches" so I'm sticking with it. Brandon Belt came back to the team in the postseason after an injury, so we are stoked to see Nine Inches score the way he has.

Angel Pagan has been injured for much of the season, and is currently under back surgery. So he won't be in the playoffs. But I had to include him in the roster because all my girlfriends are in love with him, and as we know the Giants always win the World Series in even years.

I mean, seriously. He looks like a Latin lover straight out of a Telenovela show. So I've nicknamed him "Heartthrob."

Look at those intense eyes. Don't you just want him to pick you up and take you away?

Here is a shirtless picture of Heartthrob with pitcher Sergio Romo (we are all "Romosexuals")

And Heartthrob wears those great beany hats.

Get well, Heartthrob. We need you back in fine form soon!

Our stand-out rookie this season for the Giants is Joe Panik, who bears an uncanny resemblance to Boyfriend Buster Posey. I mean, look at them both …

Which is why there is only one possible nickname for him: "Baby Buster."

And take a look at that nice ass. He certainly follows in Buster's footsteps well.

When Buster and Baby Buster are both on the field, it is quite titillating. Here's to many many years of Boyfriend's kid brother: the delicious Baby Buster.

Then there is our closing pitcher, Sergio Romo. The guy is so gorgeous, that everyone regardless of your gender or sexual orientation is a Romosexual.

But Romosexual also has great politics, which is so San Francisco. He's done public service announcements in favor of immigration reform.

View this video on YouTube

And take a look at this awesome t-shirt that he wore at the 2012 Giants parade to celebrate winning the World Series.

Follow me on Twitter @paulhogarth during the play-offs, as I cheer on the @sfgiants and, as my friends allege, "sexually harass" them on the way.

But if you think I'm bad, check out this Facebook group. When you bring together a whole bunch of gay men who love the SF Giants, my comments are quite tame.

So to Recap, here are Sexy Nicknames for the SF Giants:

Buster Posey (#28) = Boyfriend

Hunter Pence (#8) = Sexy Beast

Brandon Crawford (#35) = Dreamy Eyes

Brandon Belt (#9) = Nine Inches

Angel Pagan (#19) = Heartthrob

Gregor Blanco (#7) = Cute Face

Joe Panik (#12) = Baby Buster

Sergio Romo (#54) = Romosexual

Pablo Sandoval (#48) = Panda

Michael Morse (#38) = Strapping Hunk

Matt Cain (#18) = the Horse

Ryan Vogelsong (#32) = Sugar Daddy

Andrew Susac (#34) = Substitute Boyfriend

Travis Ishikawa (#45) = Rugged Ass

Madison Bumgarner (#40) = Hottest Bum

George Kontos (#70) = the Handsome Greek Prince

In the meantime, I'll be rooting for all the Giants. Wearing my Buster Posey socks.

I leave you with this photo of San Francisco City Hall, as we cheer on the Giants!! #gogiants #evenyear #orangeoctober

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