1. It’s all a little complicated, are you sure you want me to—
5. So first of all the government is currently shut down.
7. Mostly because it included some healthcare stuff Democrats and Republicans can’t seem to agree on.
8. I mean, that’s a little harsh. Although they DID put off debating it until literally the last minute…
10. Also a bunch of people who work for the government have been put on furlough.
11. Although the president’s still getting paid.
12. And so’s Congress.
13. Er, and we’re also about to max out 16 trillion dollars of debt.
14. Mostly because it doesn’t affect our internet connection, to be honest.
15. Now you’re just being rude.
16. On the upside, there are no apocalyptic headless horsemen on the loose! Yet.
17. And guess what!? Starbucks is still open!
- Prime Minister Theresa May's Brexit: no single market, parliamentary vote on the final deal, and a warning to the EU not to punish the UK.
- The suspect wanted for killing 39 people at an Istanbul nightclub on New Year's Day has confessed to the shooting, Istanbul's governor said
- At least 40 Democratic lawmakers are boycotting Donald Trump's inauguration after the president-elect criticized civil rights leader John Lewis.
- The police report featuring Kim Kardashian West's first-hand account of the Paris robbery has been released.