1. It’s all a little complicated, are you sure you want me to—
5. So first of all the government is currently shut down.
7. Mostly because it included some healthcare stuff Democrats and Republicans can’t seem to agree on.
8. I mean, that’s a little harsh. Although they DID put off debating it until literally the last minute…
10. Also a bunch of people who work for the government have been put on furlough.
11. Although the president’s still getting paid.
12. And so’s Congress.
13. Er, and we’re also about to max out 16 trillion dollars of debt.
14. Mostly because it doesn’t affect our internet connection, to be honest.
15. Now you’re just being rude.
16. On the upside, there are no apocalyptic headless horsemen on the loose! Yet.
17. And guess what!? Starbucks is still open!
- H.R. McMaster was due to retire from the Army. Now he holds what could become one of the most powerful positions in Washington.
- Milo Yiannopoulos has resigned from Breitbart News after he was accused of defending pedophilia in an old video.
- The man who damaged Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame with a sledge hammer was sentenced to three years probation.
- West Elm pulled the Peggy Couch from its site after years of scathing customer reviews and complaints of buttons popping off 🙈