Playing Chess Against YourselfSelling Recycled Merchandise on Your Etsy PageTaking a Long, Relaxing ShowerSpitting up blood and screaming at the wall
La La LandHidden FiguresArrivalAlien Vs. Predator
Throw a big party and charge five dollars for entryTurn on every sink in the house and leave it runningSpend the entire weekend in full Joker CosplayInvade Ukraine
A little bit of Whipped Cream sprayed directly into your mouth.Some StrawberriesRaw BeefThe rest of your elbow scab from earlier.
Late 70s, Early 80s (Belushi, Radner, Murphy, Murray)90s (Farley, Sandler, Ferrell, Spade, Schneider)2000s (Sandberg, Forte, Wiig, Fey, Poehler)Chevy Chase's racist weekend update bits from the 70s
Quiz: Which Shadow President Are You?
You got Vladmir Putin! You're a master of propaganda and manipulation. You're very excited to be secretly leading the United States into collapse while returning glory to the homeland of Mother Russia. Even when someone like Bannon or Paul Ryan think they have everything they need to control Trump, you've got that one special video tape that will guarantee Russia remains on top for a long time to come.
Agitated, heavily breathing white nationalist by day and a straight up Nazi by night, you are are Steve Bannon. You've mastered the art of controlling Trump: compliment President Small Hands on ideas that you implanted within him. You are the fucking devil and most people know it, but you're like into it? You're hoping to make America an autocracy before the liver spots on your head reach your brain.
You're Jared and Ivanka! You noticed a few years ago that maybe Donnie's mental health was showing some signs of decline. Not only that, but his assortment of debts was really going to affect you negatively when he dies in three years. So you decided it was only fair, upon his presidency, that you become key advisors and make some of your rightful inheritance back by turning the country into your own special kleptocracy. Classic!
You're not sure when you became conscious, maybe somewhere around 2011. Donnie's head had been glued to you for so long that your molecules began to fuse, and you became an organism hell bent on tyrannical control. At night Donnie begs for you to free him, asking that you return him to his life as a care free billionaire. You punish him by squeezing his skull until it almost pops. Your favorite movie is Hairspray.