1. Two weeks away from your due date you are on high alert. You have checked the main road, air and sea routes to the hospital. This could happen at any moment.
2. As in, ANY moment.
3. Your several bags are constantly packed to leave at a moment's notice. In them are snacks (that you won't eat), a birth plan (which you won't read) and, weirdly, baby clothes that you will need.
4. In reality of course, nothing dramatic happens. Instead there's a whole bunch of waiting and waiting.
5. And to make it harder, when something does finally happen, no one tells you when to go to the hospital.
6. And if you want to get geeky about timing contractions, there is an app for that. In fact there are several.
Keeping an eye on contraction times is one of the few useful things men can actually do to elevate themselves from pointless male appendages.