Today is Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, when shops in America offer discounts and everyone tramples on each other. Somehow this has made its way to the UK. This is what people in the UK imagined it would be like.
This is what Americans think it's like in the UK.
This is what it SHOULD be like in the UK, the home of queuing.
But the reality is far worse, as illustrated by this stampede at Wembley Asda.
Here is a woman buying three TVs.
This was the scene in Blackpool at MIDNIGHT.
This was someone offering to see a fellow shopper outside, presumably not for a pleasant chat.
Even Batman and Bane were getting involved down at Tesco.
Not all Brits have shopping fever, however.
The real special offer was on personal injuries.
Many, many people are confused by the whole thing.
There were cheerleaders in Asda. Cheerleaders. In Asda.
It didn't take long for the spoof deals to arrive.
It was getting rough in Tesco.
Even a simple trip to Greggs was hard work.
Whereas in Morrisons it was pretty much business as usual.
There was much class-ridden discussion about the choice of riot location.
Lots of Americans were apologising to us for the whole thing.
And now comes the soul-searching over what we've become.
What does it MEAN?
Can't we get back to what Black Friday is all about?