The 16 Most Annoying People You Meet In Every British Park

Just put the bongos down.

It’s summer. It’s time for wankers to descend on parks everywhere. These include:

16. The dog people.

iStock / FotoimperiyA

Nothing against your dog, but I’m trying to relax and he’s humping my leg.

15. Anyone who does business meetings or networking in the park.

Jack Hollingsworth / Photodisc

13. People with unruly children who won’t stop screaming or hurting each other somehow.

SerrNovik / iStock/360

12. Trendy young people drinking Red Stripe and talking about how they love 90s things.

London Fields in Hackney is the national centre for this kind of activity.

11. People who are in FAR too good physical condition to be showing off their bodies in public.

Alright, don’t rub it in, buff men.

10. Masochists who do military fitness classes led by a shouty instructor.

Mike Powell / Digital Vision.


9. The “hey let’s put a tightrope between these trees for some reason” people.

Just, why?

8. The overly amorous couple who are stretching public decency laws to their most extreme limits.

Massonstock / iStock

7. A couple having a passionate argument, containing phrases like “I just don’t know where we’re at anymore.”

PeteSherrard / iStock/360

6. People who play frisbee in an ever-increasing circle around you so it always flies JUST ABOVE your head.

5. People who do a wee anywhere they want.

geargodz / istock/360

4. Jugglers.

“Hey it’s like being at a circus” - no one, ever.

3. People who do poi (those things on the end of strings that swing around your head).

If you’re on drugs on a Thai island, this can be quite cool. In a park in Leicester, not so much.

2. Guitar people, with their meandering plonky noise.

Just the musical accompaniment that no one was looking for. Extra spotter points given if any Bob Marley song is played.

1. Bongo people.

George Doyle / Stockbyte

I wonder if the dickhead who brings bongos to the park thinks to himself: "Everyone's gonna love this!"

— Ben Judge (@benjudge23)

So these hippies have plotted up in the park behind my house and are now hitting bongos badly... If this is what summer does you can keep it

— angry artwork (@artworkmagnetic)

"I really like the sound of that guy playing his bongos in the park." – No one ever

— Andy Kelly (@ultrabrilliant)

Bongos in the park. Reminds me of all those parties I used to go to when we'd say "I hope those pricks with Bongos don't turn up."

— Mark Gristock (@Mark_Gristock)

I feel like relentlessly playing bongos in the park all day non-stop isn't getting me any closer to a music career.

— Jared Logan (@JaredLogan)

Somebody just showed up to the park with bongos. Time to get out of here.

— Rad (@spaceruben)

Wishing a slow painful death to the bongo players in the park. fucking bongos #hatelivingoffbricklane

— spencer hickman (@spencerhickman)

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Patrick Smith is a senior reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in London.
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