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    Jan 8, 2015

    23 Classified Adverts That Require An Immediate Explanation

    Anyone fancy a vibrator for $25? Only slightly used.

    1. "Almost new?" Good enough.

    2. This simply unimprovable car ad.

    3. This "screw you" ad.

    4. This wedding ring forged in the fires of Mount Doom.

    The ad says:

    "I have an indestructible ring from my previous marriage, that I think might be one of the rings Sauron created and made for the dwarves. They went missing in the third, (as everyone knows).

    "Pretty sure its indestructible, it already broke my friends ax when he tried to destroy it. Which may mean my ex is the female incarnation of Sauron, but whatever, I am out.

    "So instead of having to plan a long trip to Mount Doom to destroy it, I figure I could sell it to someone else? It's hammer finished, or maybe that is just more proof that it's indestructible. It's made of elvish steel known as Tungsten.

    "Its stainless and cannot be scratched (more proof, so if you are going to Mount Doom, planning on taking over the world, or getting married soon, brave soul!) Then hit me up on this ring."

    5. This all-too-honest advert for a baby's cot.

    6. This evil genius seeking some minions for his dastardly deeds. / Via

    It says:

    "EVIL GENIUS seeks minions to sacrifice their lives in world domination attempt. Must be prepared to work 24-7 for fascist psychopath for no pay. Messy death inevitable but costumes and laser death rays provided. No weirdos."

    7. This very humble apology. WHAT HAPPENED at the construction site?

    8. This SICK Honda for sale in Australia.

    9. This person is asking quite a lot here.

    10. Thanks, LOL! You're the best.

    11. This very bleak classified ad from the Baltimore Sun in 1929.

    12. This snowblower deal is made all the more sweeter for the extra stuff you get with it.

    The ad reads:

    "Toro 2 Stage snowblower. Model 3521 with 21" cut. Runs good. Eats snow and craps thunder. New carb. Electric start. Farmers Almanac predicts 100 feet of snow this winter. $200 or trade. Let me know what you have.

    "Also comes with a red turtle sandbox complete with 5000 lbs of sand (you haul), 3 cans of spam, minesweeper for WIN95, broken TV, baby kittens, 1971 Barbarella T-Shirt (Size small womens), Chia Pet without any seeds, 672 return address labels (these have my name and addres on them but you can cross it out and put yours on them, hair dryer, half a bag of Peeps, 2 cans of Mug rootbeer, and some potting soil."

    13. This tragic Valentine's Day ad.

    14. This aphrodisiac family car.

    The seller, from Calgary, Canada, says:

    "Nothing says 'masculinity' like the 2007 Pontiac Montana SV6!

    "That's what I found out when I purchased this van in Jan/08. Now, 3 kids and 138,500km later, I've got to get rid of it or we're going to have more kids. My wife just can't keep her hands off of me when I climb into the driver's seat of this love machine."

    15. This chilling request.

    There are many reasons one may wish to purchase a non-operational Mercedes-Benz! *You just bought a tow truck and want to test it out *You want to salvage the parts and make a fortune *You think you can fix the broken electrical cables leading into the injectors *You want to push it off a cliff for funsies. Here is your opportunity! I am reluctantly selling my baby. She has been sitting in the street doing not much for the past 5 days, and already someone has left a passive aggressive note on the windshield. That's Bondi for you! Time for you to pick her up and take what you will. I spoke to Hasim at some auto wreckers near Blacktown who assured me that 'maaate, the cable problem is fully common in these Mercs' so that might be helpful for you. You aren't just buying a mid-90's gas-guzzler here. You're buying a work of automotive German art. What she lacks in ignition barrel and functional electrics, she makes up for in #swag. You've got 4 tires on this girl which have resiliently negotiated the unforgiving terrain of inner-city Sydney & Melbourne for around 250,000 kilometers. Floor her and watch her crawl to 90km's on New South Head Road before you swerve into Point Piper. No need to indicate, you're in a Mercedes-Benz! Hasim offered me $100 to come pick up the car. I'm sure you can do better than that. Please email me an offer and a phone number. I'll call you back if you win.

    17. This ad, which proves romance isn't dead.

    18. That time someone put this URL in a job advert.

    19. This person who just wants some mates.

    20. He's not joking, girls.

    21. This person who just wants a tummy to rub (depending on size).

    22. This idiot rooster.

    23. And this, the trolliest classified ad of all time.

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