1. HAPPY TRANSFER DEADLINE DAY! For many it’s just behind Christmas Day and Ed Balls Day in the pecking order of British national holidays.
3. This year’s Deadline Day had everything except, at first, any actual big signings. BUT Jim White was getting ready to crank out the clichés on Sky Sports.
4. BTW here’s just a reminder of what Jim White looked like in his Anchorman years.
5. Sky’s number-crunching guy, Dharmesh Sheth, was getting all excited about the £769 million that had been spent on transfers so far in this transfer window.
TALK TO THE HAND BECAUSE THIS TOTALISER DON’T WANNA KNOW.
6. He could have been having some kind of meltdown on air. Who knows?
7. As ever, fans were hanging around in the background of Sky Sports shots.
8. For most reporters it was a case of standing in the world’s most depressing car parks, surrounded by fans who looked a bit like they were there to steal someone’s car.
9. Newcastle fans were probably the most cheeky early on.
10. Especially this kid.
11. Although to be fair to this reporter, Jane, sorry, Jermaine Defoe is a hard name to say.
12. These kids in Southampton were full of the joys of Deadline Day.
13. The Hull City fans here WENT COMPLETELY CRAZY at the news of the club’s signing of Abel Hernandez.
14. Some couldn’t handle the excitement.
15. While this boy was the coolest character around.
16. During the last transfer window, fans outside Stoke City’s ground resembled extras from Night of the Living Dead…
17. …so people on Twitter compared them to this.
18. …and this.
19. Although nowhere quite reached the levels of excitement seen in Norwich last year.
20. Yet again, many jokes were about the fact that Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal weren’t going to buy anyone.
22. This is what a lot of people imagined he was actually doing.
23. If Arsenal do get desperate they could just sign this goat in an Arsenal shirt.
24. Manchester United surprised everyone by bagging Colombian striker Falcao on loan, despite having no defenders.
25. Although this is another possible formation.
26. The lid was sensationally lifted on how football journalism works.
27. This tweet – which just might have been fake – said Falcao was heading to Hyde FC, currently bottom of the Skrill North division, who last season went 29 games without a win. It wasn’t to be.
28. BTW, Hyde have not won this season yet, as this handy Twitter account will tell you.
29. United’s Mexican supersub, Javier Hernandez, is headed to Madrid on loan – meaning he’s being transferred from one bench to another, as symbolised by this handing over of a chair.
30. So this is where he’ll mostly play at Madrid.
31. But forget Manchester, shit was getting real in Cheltenham.
32. Geordies got excited when Neymar was spotted in Newcastle.
33. It was the worst (or the best) day in the whole year for terrible Photoshop and Microsoft Paint efforts.
34. This was the most bankable rumour of the whole day.
35. Much more so than this one (Messi is a steak-bake man).
36. Much was made of where Nigerian striker Peter Odemwingie – who once drove to QPR to offer his services unannounced – might turn up.
39. In a break with hundreds of years of Deadline Day tradition, Harry Redknapp REFUSED to wind his window down to talk to reporters, creating this #accidentalpartridge moment.
The football earth truly has frozen over. And that reporter has had better days.
40. Of course, Redknapp did talk to reporters. Just not in his car. It feels all wrong.
41. There are internet memes and bingo cards RELYING on this happening.
42. It’s thought this is how he normally prepares for it.
43. We will have to make do with this substitute.
44. Or maybe this guy.
45. The car door is just sat there, waiting.
46. But don’t worry, because later on Stoke manager Mark Hughes took over the traditional Redknapp car interview.
47. Oh, and this reporter stationed at QPR’s training ground ALL DAY managed to miss Redknapp drive past.
48. Meanwhile, spare a thought for fax machine manufacturers on their most important day of the year.
49. Some speculated whether David Cameron could use Deadline Day to get rid of Nick Clegg.
50. As the night drew in things really got interesting, especially when one reporter got a dildo pressed against his head while reporting from Everton’s Goodison Park stadium.
53. Things got so rowdy at QPR that the fans more or less took over the broadcast. Not even the Sky reporter’s magic spray could stop people encroaching into his personal space.
54. Inevitably, there was a fan in a Morphsuit. He was just one of several who managed to blurt the now infamous “FHRITP” phrase live on air.
55. And with just six minutes to go, a blow-up sex doll made an appearance.
56. But when the dust has settled on this year’s Deadline Day, don’t pay too much attention to “expert” opinion. This was Stuart Pearce’s take on Arsenal’s “waste of money” signing of Dennis Bergkamp, via @AntiqueFootball.
Bergkamp went on to score 87 goals in 315 appearances for the Gunners and won several trophies.