back to top

15 One-Line Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

"This man walks into a bar ..."

Posted on

1. Bob Monkhouse: "I can still enjoy sex at 74..."

Express / Hulton Archive

2. Bob Monkhouse: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father..."

Aubrey Hart / Hulton Archive

3. Les Dawson: "The people next door are awful. At three o’clock this morning they were banging on the walls and screaming..."

Fox Photos / Hulton Archive

4. Les Dawson: "I went to the doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. "

Evening Standard / Hulton Archive

5. Tommy Cooper: "Once I painted a girl in the nude."

George Freston / Hulton Archive

6. Tommy Cooper: "I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said, 'How flexible are you?'"

Keystone Features / Hulton Archive

7. Frank Carson: "I rang up British Telecom, I said, 'I want to report a nuisance caller'..."

Getty Images / Shaun Botterill

8. Peter Kay: "I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned up to arrange a date..."

Jo Hale / Getty Images

9. Peter Kay: "My dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire' ..."

Jo Hale / Getty Images

10. Tim Vine: "I saw this advert in a window that said: 'TV for sale, £1, volume stuck on full' ..."

Stuart C. Wilson / Getty Images

11. Tim Vine: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday..."

Scott Campbell / Getty Images

12. Victoria Wood: "My boyfriend had a sex manual but he was dyslexic..."

Getty Images / Stuart C. Wilson

13. Paul Merton: "On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was..."

Yui Mok/PA Archive/Press Association Image

14. Jimmy Carr: "I have no problems buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man ... "

Gareth Cattermole / Getty Images

15. Jimmy Carr: "David Cameron says he'll put a cap on immigrants coming into the UK. That's wrong..."

Ian Gavan / Getty Images