14 Press Releases You Won’t Believe Ever Got Sent

And then they ring up to check you received it.

1. Press releases come in all shapes and sizes. Once, we were sent an image of Andi Peters in a burger chain restaurant. That was it.

Honest Burgers

2. Some try to be funny and miss the mark, like this drains company hitting a bum note.

3. Some know that they haven’t got a lot to work with, like this classic from Stiff Records promoting the latest solo work from Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell.

 

Stiff Records is proud to announce first week sales figures for its latest album – Johnny Borrell’s ‘Borrell 1’ – of 594.

“First week sales of 594 makes ‘Borrell 1’ the 15,678th best selling album of the year to date,” comments a Stiff spokesperson. “So far we’ve achieved 0.00015% sales of Adele’s ‘21’, so we feel like it’s all to play for as we move into the all-important week two.”

“We might even break the Top 100.”

4. Some make no sense whatsoever, even to reporters who specialise in decoding officialese.

Google Streetview / Via chapman.dailymail.co.uk

5. The technology world is full of this stuff.

6. Some organisations, such as the BBC, like their executives to write blog posts. Many of them make no sense either.


We wanted to build the foundation and DNA of the new site in line with the ongoing trend and evolution of the Internet towards dynamically generated and syndicable content through technologies like RSS, atom and xml. This trend essentially abstracts the content from its presentation and distribution, atomizing content into a feed-based universe

7. Royal Baby fever produced some quality efforts this summer.

8. Meanwhile, some really are in bad taste.

Thankyourwank.com is a new website that has just been launched on the 11th of July 2011.

We believe Thankyourwank.com is the next step in Social Media, making it a more democratic and open system than ever before! It’s a masturbation revolution!
Who hasn’t thought to themselves “I wonder if someone out there touches themselves while thinking about me”?

Thankyourwank.com enables users to vote for people they masturbate to, making them more popular Wankees at the same time as they can check their own Wank-Bank balance to see how many times other people have done it thinking about them.

9. Valentine’s Day is a busy time for the PR industry. That’s when you get press releases about diamond condoms.

Forget a diamond ring, now those looking for a romantic yet novel way of showing their affections to their loved one can with the world’s first, 100% authentic, diamond embellished condom!

Hand crafted by fine jewellers based here in Great Britain, this luxuriously smooth, deep black condom is adorned with an 100% authentic, 0.01carat diamond! It would seem that diamonds really are a girls’ best friend, at least “for the woman who wants her man to cum into money” as the packaging assures us!

10. Who knew Buckfast was the way to true love?

TV celebrity chef Martin Blunos has just the tonic to spice up your Valentine’s Day.

The popular Michelin-starred food maestro has newly-created tempting chocolate Buckfast Passion Pots with Hearty Treats.

And the tasty dessert is guaranteed to set hearts aflutter as Buckfast Tonic Wine - one of the main ingredients – is regarded as an aphrodisiac in the West Indies.

11. This chef, Gurpareet Bains, claimed to have made the “world’s healthiest curry”, which could help battle “cancer, Alzheimer’s, coronary heart disease and diabetes”.

It sounded a bit suspicious.

According to the Telegraph:

“The spicy chicken meal, he says, can help fight off carcinogenic cells while other traditional ingredients such as ginger, chilli, turmeric and garlic, are know for their antibacterial and antiviral properties…

“Mr Bains, a British nutritional therapist and Indian ‘superfood’ pioneer, said eating the curry just once-a-week could ‘deal a devastating blow’ to the onset of cancers and other diseases like Alzheimer’s.”

12. But that didn’t stop EVERYONE publishing it.

13. Then are the ones that come around every year and still aren’t true. Such as “January 21 is the most depressing day of the year.”

The press release on which this pseudo-science is based has been going around for years.

14. And be careful out there because many press releases ask a question in the headline. The answer is always, “No”.

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Patrick Smith is a senior reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in London. Contact this reporter at: patrick.smith@buzzfeed.com
 
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