Patrick Duggan
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Democracy Over
The Supreme Court ruled today that corporations can funnel unlimited millions to support or defeat any candidate any any level, effectively ending democracy and replacing it with a system of corporate governance not seen since ... well ... Mussolini's Italy.
Mr. Bean: President of Europe
European hacktivists replaced a photo of Spanish PM Jose Luis Zapatero with an image of Mr. Bean on the EU presidency's official Web site. The hack came during Spain's launch of the site, meant to reassure EU members that the rotating presidency is in good hands with Zapatero.
Atlantis Found!
A team of archeologists claim to have found pyramids at the bottom of the Caribbean Sea. There is almost no chance this could be a let down.
Linda McMahon Running For Senate
Linda McMahon, CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, is running for senate in Connecticut on the GOP ticket against Chris Todd. I will give almost anything to see them settle this in the squared circle.
MIT Rickrolled!
(on a grand scale, too). Students plastered the first eight notes of Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up on scaffolding surrounding the Boston research center's Great Dome.
Jim Carroll Passed Away
Jim Carroll, author of The Basketball Diaries and quasi-punk rock Bob Dylan (sort of), passed away this weekend. Even though I outgrew him, Jim Carroll was one of the writers who turned me on to poetry in late high school. Ill always thank him for that.
Missouri School District Bans T-Shirts That Acknowledge Evolution
In "Hey! The 1910's are back!" news, a Missouri school district banned a t-shirt featuring an image of a monkey holding a brass instrument and progressing through various stages of evolution until becoming a human. “I was disappointed with the image on the shirt,” said Sherry Melby, a band parent. “I don’t think evolution should be associated with our school." You stay classy, Missouri.
Artificial Life Within Months?
Artificial life will be made-to-order within four months, according to U.S genome expert Craig Venter. The scientist, named as one of the most influential people in the world, said the first 'synthetic species' could be created this year. Maybe now I can finally get my hands on a real-life popple.
How The Internet Sees You
"Personas is a component of the Metropath(ologies) exhibit, currently on display at the MIT Museum - It creates a data portrait of one's aggregated online identity. In short, Personas shows you how the Internet sees you."
Lou Dobbs' Birth Certificate A FAKE?
Dobbs' biography has always been sketchy when it comes to place of birth-- some sources claim he was born in Childress, Texas, while others cite Rupert, Idaho. Neither "fact" turns out to be the truth.
A Diet Craze I Can Get Behind?
The NHS in Britain has sparked a controversy of sorts with a new campaign, promoting an orgasm a day: "Alongside the slogan "an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away", it says: "Health promotion experts advocate five portions of fruit and veg a day and 30 minutes' physical activity three times a week. What about sex or masturbation twice a week?""
David Carradine: Killed By Ninjas?
According to a suggestion by attorney Mark Geragos, David Carradine didn't die whilst masturbating – he was killed by an ancient sect of Kung-Fu assassins he was secretly trying to infiltrate. You have to love a mysterious death where the two most likely explanations are autoerotic asphyxiation or ninjas.
More News On The Real-Life Super Hero Front
In whats been a growing trend for over a year now, amid hard times and economic woes more people are turning to the cape and cowl. But, more importantly, "real-life super hero historian" is SOMETHING YOU CAN BE? What am I doing editing design?
Important Lake Monster News!
A cell-phone video of a “creature” that appears to be swimming in Lake Champlain near Oakledge Park in Burlington last weekend is sparking renewed discussion about “Champ,” the lake’s legendary monster. There is no conceivable way this is a hoax like those frozen bigfoot guys from last summer.
POLL: Republicans, Southerners Most Unpatriotic
These findings come as little surprise to those of us familiar with both the founding principles of America and the theory of "sour grapes."
The Most Distant Object In The Known Universe
Astronomers have identified a new record holder for most distant object in the universe: a gamma-ray burst emanating from a region 13.035 billion light-years from Earth.
Hannity Offers To Be Waterboarded For Charity
In a sparring match with Charles Grodin last night, Sean Hannity (jokingly?) offered to be waterboarded for charity.
U.S. Out of Texas!
In a totally sensible, well-reasoned, non-reactionary, non-hyperbolic and non-total-political-stunt move, Governor Rick Perry has jumped on the Glenn Beck crazy train and is adding his voice to the call for Texas to secede from the Union.
Pirates V. Dolphins!
Thousands of dolphins appeared and blocked Somali pirate ships as they attempted to intercept a Chinese merchant vessel. Could the Navy finally be using our poison dart super dolphins that "disappeared" during Hurricane Katrina?
Printing Currency
Local communities, borrowing from a Depression-era idea, have begun printing their own money.