5. Peter thinks Greg the bird has overstayed his welcome.
6. Terrence has had it up to here with your “baby fat” jokes.
8. Wanda does NOT want to talk to Dennis the crane right now.
9. Abraham can only think “God, this asshole.”
10. Finally, Hippo-crates, who does not care who hears him fart.
- Donald Trump promised insurance for everyone this weekend, but Senate Republicans say they assume he misspoke.
- President Barack Obama shortened Chelsea Manning's 35-year sentence for leaking documents to WikiLeaks. She'll be freed in May.
- Blue Lies Matter: Video finally proved that police officers lie — and why they get away with it.
- A Toronto man is on a mission to bathe at a different stranger's house every day this month. And so far, so good 🛀