back to top
TRENDING
 / 

21 "Overheard" Tweets That Prove Everybody's A Stand-Up Comedian

To all the eavesdroppers out there, thank you for your service.

1.

Overheard a girl at McDonald's: "I don't need alcohol to send text messages I regret"

2.

Overheard at the bar: Man: Give me a tequila shot. It’s been a long week. Bartender: Long week? It’s only Tuesday. Man: Give me two tequila shots.

3.

Overheard in LA: “Kale, it’s a conspiracy. I’m telling you, it’s a made up food, it’s not real.”

4.

#overheard #overheardatikea @IKEAUSA Dad: you’re driving me nuts Kid: I know!

Advertisement

5.

Overheard at work, “did you fix it?” “my life? no.”

6.

“It’s so hot outside I lost my nipples half way down the block” Overheard from a receptionist at the drs office. My kinda lady

7.

overheard in coffee shop: girl 1: how'd it go with jake? girl 2: ugh he ate half a pizza and went to sleep. i feel you jake.

8.

Overheard son talking to his friend, “My mom sometimes talks to much but she’s actually pretty good at roasting people.” He’s got me figured out.

Advertisement

9.

conversation overheard by a few servers at the chef: “it’s mimOsa, not mimosA” THIS is the definition of being cultured

10.

Overheard at Trader Joe’s: “I want to hurry so we don’t have to rush.”

11.

Overheard today in Southie: *girl looking at real estate listings in window* Her: “I really want to buy something” Her bf: “you have like three dollars.” I feel u sis

12.

just overheard a little commotion in the office followed by someone say "nothing should have that many legs" so i guess i only wfh now

Advertisement

13.

Overheard in NYC: “You was on America’s Most Wanted?! No shit! I used to watch that show!” Needless to say, I sprinted right the heck out of the vicinity.

14.

Overheard: “That balloon probably cost millions! Think of all the good that money could have done! So ridiculous!” “You don’t really know how much balloons cost do you?” https://t.co/Kc5xzfIHB4

15.

Overheard on the bus: “why are some people so genetically lucky?” RT my guy

16.

I was at lunch today and overheard these two guys talking 😂 “Have you been to the gym lately?” “No..... ran into a guy named Jim” “Same thing”

Advertisement

17.

“when life gives you lemons, you fuck the lemons” — more things overheard at work 😂

18.

Overheard at Safeway: “if I don’t have at least two jars of mayonnaise in my fridge, I just freak out.”

19.

Overheard in @tacobell: "I just can't believe they would do this. I've been coming here for 15 YEARS and I always get the half pound burrito. And they just TAKE IT OFF THE MENU? what was corporate thinking?"

20.

Conversation i overheard while nannying... Kid 1: what does the muffin man do? Kid 2: kills people with muffins Kid 1: oooh, yah..youre right!!

21.

Overheard in the makeup room: ‘Urgh I stopped watching #thehandmaidstale in season one. Got sick of seeing them in the same outfits every episode.’ Lol

Connect with As/Is