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This Thing

This thing. Determined, kind hearted, free spirited, lovely A handful of adjectives used to de-scribe me 37 turns around the sun - most blessed with health Travelling, loving, running, working, acquiring wealth But you see, there’s this thing... This thing that’s been growing inside me since god only knows Has consumed me, from the top of my head to my toes It’s stolen all of my good and transformed it to ugly Made me question my body, my will to live, my sanity Aching and moaning on floors like I’m 90 So much work missed - filed for disability But the middle, oh the middle, The worst place always A devil dances there, flipping me, turning me sideways This thing. My appetite for life - well I’ve always been ravenous (Luckily, risky “experiments” failed to turn into habits) Powders and capsules and mind bending potions Brought enlightenment - I swallowed them all, like an ocean But this thing...it was brewing Still, I leapt from helicopters, ran miles in countless countries Nose candy, mushrooms, and dancing with Molly My career was exploding, I married, wrote music Blissful, cautious ignorance pushed away the impending sick The sick from this thing. Soon, marathons caused my weakening joints to buckle Fingers on piano keys felt heavy, raking muck, oh god My once go-to therapy was making me suffer And the middle, oh my middle, how to explain I have yet to find words to show outsiders pain This. fucking thing. It leaves loud mouths speechless Gut wrenching, heart tugging, life changing, vicious Evil, shape shifting, infertile, puke, bag of dicks Nameless, insidious, sneaky, chaotic Body ruining, rage-inducing, bloody, psychotic No simple test exists yet to help diagnose it They must drug us til we’re sleeping and then cut us open And that’s only if you have money and doctors Who see you, believe that you’re not fucking bonkers Because, you see - this THING is mysterious. It’s widespread / systemic It impacts too many, a mute epidemic Your mothers, your daughters, your wives and your friends Co-workers, cousins, we can not pretend Anymore that it’s not real. It isn’t hysteria This THING knows no boundaries, it is everywhere Ahh..“It’s endo,” I heard as I stirred from my slumber The surgeon removed THE THING while I was under Adhesions and scarring on bladder and bowels IT had infiltrated organs, at first I thought, WOW The thing had a name Endometriosis. Tangible, not psychosis I felt validated, cause now people know this SEE, I wasn’t faking. It is real. I can prove it! They saw it inside me, so now they can soothe it. Right?

Digital _ Nat • One year ago

10 Pro Tips On How To Get Over Your Fear Of Public Speaking

Keith Yamashita, Chairman & Founder of SYPartners,has worked alongside CEOs and their leadership teams to define—and then attain—greatness for their institutions for more than 20 years - and knows a thing or two about how to get 'Unstuck' of your public speaking fear.

Digital _ Nat • 4 years ago

22 Unforgettable SNL Moments That Withstand The Test Of Time

Turn that frown upside down. Most of These Saturday Night Live sketches have been around since the early 90's but will NEVER. GET. OLD.

Digital _ Nat • 4 years ago

19 Deliciously WTF Guilty Pleasure Pairings

Some of our favorite 'couples,' past and present. If this ain’t love, why does it feel so good?

Digital _ Nat • 4 years ago

7 Hard (and Gross) Truths About Long Distance Running

Running a half marathon is the ultimate high, they said. You won’t barf on yourself, they said. You’ll never embarrass yourself, they said. LIES. Running isn’t all endorphins, rock hard quads, and dewy skin. Remember that the further you go, the grosser you’ll be.

Digital _ Nat • 4 years ago

SOON.

Sleep with one eye open because these creatures have a major bone to pick with SOMEONE.

Digital _ Nat • 4 years ago

Just Laid Off? You Have 24 Hours To Do These 9 Things.

Layoffs suck. But let's face it, this cloud definitely has some (drunk and inappropriate) silver linings.

Digital _ Nat • 4 years ago