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Updated on Apr 17, 2019. Posted on Apr 13, 2019

We Need To Ban Sexist Wedding Cake Toppers Once And For All

Hating each other isn't love, period.

Marriage — it can be a beautiful union between two people who love each other.

Disney

But based on some of the questionable wedding cake toppers I've seen over the years, apparently y'all don't see it the same way. Especially men.

Jenamancione / Getty Images

I'm just here to remind everyone that the whole "bride is trapping the groom" nonsense is exhausting and must be killed once and for all.

Yinyang / Getty Images

The same goes for this "ball and chain" crap. If you feel like your relationship is a literal prison, THEN DON'T GET MARRIED, CHAD.

All Things Weddings / Via amazon.com

Yes, I'm aware these are "jokey" toppers, but, like, there are better jokes to tell that aren't this blatantly sexist.

Juvale / Via amazon.com

I feel like I shouldn't even be watching this topper.

Wedding Collectibles / Via amazon.com

Why the hell would you choose to ruin a perfectly innocent cake with this mess?

Juvale / Via amazon.com

Someone call 911 just in case this couple was actually kidnapped.

Bogdan Kurylo / Getty Images

Is this groom trying to do the worm or is he being dragged to the alter? Unclear.

Topker / Via amazon.com

Good luck with that marriage, Bridget. Looks like it's off to a healthy start.

Cglade / Getty Images

Nothing like goin' to Pornhub during your wedding, right, Todd?

Fergregory / Getty Images

This couple won't even look at each other. Cool. Love at its best.

Clarkandcompany / Getty Images

Bryant here loves video games and his bride Lakynn is not having it. HOW FUNNY!! I LOVE COMEDY.

Weddingstar Inc. / Via amazon.com

Oh, your wife is still shopping, Connor? How cute.

TheKnotShop / Via weddingshop.theknot.com

Some straight folks love to argue that marriage is sacred, and therefore don't want to afford the right to same-sex couples, but, like, what's sacred about this, Tammy?

It absolutely baffles me that there’s an entire straight-people wedding genre of “I don’t want to get married”

Desertsolitaire / Getty Images

And if you had a similar topper at your wedding and are now saying, "Excuse you, they ARE funny and I'm offended!" Well, your topper is offensive to my eyes. 🤷🏽‍♂️

What is wrong with the straights? I this wedding cake topper supposed to be a woman with a gun holding a man hostage & forcing him to marry her? Is that what I'm seeing?

Couples hating each other as a way to show love is peak straight culture and I won't stand for it any longer.

Fergregory / Getty Images

In conclusion, just get a cute cake topper that doesn't involve you being miserable, forcing your S.O. to do anything, or some sexist joke from 1893. It really isn't that hard.

Bravo

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