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Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts

This is not a drill.

A deadly plague has infected America for far too long now.

It's contaminated our neighborhoods...

...and killed men off in the comfort of their own homes.

Even our pets have been traumatized.

Scientists call this plague "cargo shorts," and we must finally kill this infection once and for all.

Luckily, the fashion world has been tirelessly working on a cure for quite some time now. Men, say hello to every other pair of shorts in existence.

Non-cargo shorts are actually pretty incredible inventions.

They let you show off some extra leg...

...or your colorful personality.

You can dress 'em up...

...or keep it street casual.

Hell, you can even cut up some old jeans and they'll still look better.

It's really not that difficult.

Some skeptics will try to convince you that cargo shorts are practical, but at what cost?

You deserve better.

Your legs deserve better.

So help in the fight to end cargo shorts by doing all you can to avoid them. You won't regret it.