A deadly plague has infected America for far too long now.
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*Puts on hazmat suit*
It's contaminated our neighborhoods...
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Suburbia hasn't been the same since.
...and killed men off in the comfort of their own homes.
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Dads everywhere are at highest risk.
Even our pets have been traumatized.
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That cat is obviously terrified.
Scientists call this plague "cargo shorts," and we must finally kill this infection once and for all.
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Many have already fallen, but we can save so many more.
Luckily, the fashion world has been tirelessly working on a cure for quite some time now. Men, say hello to every other pair of shorts in existence.
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Finally some relief!
Non-cargo shorts are actually pretty incredible inventions.
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Non-cargo shorts > color TV.
They let you show off some extra leg...
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"Sun's out, thighs out."
...or your colorful personality.
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Make all your cargo-wearing friends green with envy.
You can dress 'em up...
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Yes, shorts are a ~look~.
...or keep it street casual.
Hell, you can even cut up some old jeans and they'll still look better.
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Shorts made out of a shower curtain would also look better.
It's really not that difficult.
Some skeptics will try to convince you that cargo shorts are practical, but at what cost?
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It's not worth it.
