1. A deadly plague has infected America for far too long now.
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*Puts on hazmat suit*
2. It’s contaminated our neighborhoods…
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Suburbia hasn’t been the same since.
3. …and killed men off in the comfort of their own homes.
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Dads everywhere are at highest risk.
4. Even our pets have been traumatized.
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That cat is obviously terrified.
5. Scientists call this plague “cargo shorts,” and we must finally kill this infection once and for all.
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Many have already fallen, but we can save so many more.
6. Luckily, the fashion world has been tirelessly working on a cure for quite some time now. Men, say hello to every other pair of shorts in existence.
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Finally some relief!
7. Non-cargo shorts are actually pretty incredible inventions.
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Non-cargo shorts > color TV.
8. They let you show off some extra leg…
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“Sun’s out, thighs out.”
9. …or your colorful personality.
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Make all your cargo-wearing friends green with envy.
12. Hell, you can even cut up some old jeans and they’ll still look better.
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Shorts made out of a shower curtain would also look better.
14. Some skeptics will try to convince you that cargo shorts are practical, but at what cost?
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It’s not worth it.
17. So help in the fight to end cargo shorts by doing all you can to avoid them. You won’t regret it.
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