Dear Men, Please Stop Wearing Cargo Shorts

This is not a drill.

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A deadly plague has infected America for far too long now.

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*Puts on hazmat suit*

It's contaminated our neighborhoods...

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Suburbia hasn't been the same since.

...and killed men off in the comfort of their own homes.

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Dads everywhere are at highest risk.

Even our pets have been traumatized.

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That cat is obviously terrified.

Scientists call this plague "cargo shorts," and we must finally kill this infection once and for all.

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Many have already fallen, but we can save so many more.

Luckily, the fashion world has been tirelessly working on a cure for quite some time now. Men, say hello to every other pair of shorts in existence.

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Finally some relief!

Non-cargo shorts are actually pretty incredible inventions.

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Non-cargo shorts > color TV.

They let you show off some extra leg...

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"Sun's out, thighs out."

...or your colorful personality.

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Make all your cargo-wearing friends green with envy.

You can dress 'em up...

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Yes, shorts are a ~look~.

...or keep it street casual.

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Hell, you can even cut up some old jeans and they'll still look better.

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Shorts made out of a shower curtain would also look better.

It's really not that difficult.

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Really.

Some skeptics will try to convince you that cargo shorts are practical, but at what cost?

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It's not worth it.

So help in the fight to end cargo shorts by doing all you can to avoid them. You won't regret it.

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