1. If you, like me, are an official member of the amazing thick thigh–carrying club, then you know that pants are RUDE. AS. HELL.
2. We're all just out here trying to live our lives, drink enough water, look fabulous, and be happy...
3. ...but apparently our pants are having NONE of that!
4. We all know that first spine-chilling moment when you casually brush your hand on the inside of your jeans and notice that the fabric is starting to betray you.
5. You cry a little inside because these are your favorite jeans, but you wear them anyway because, like me, you're in denial that anyone will even notice.
6. Two weeks pass, and while you're just casually minding your business, you look down to see your own skin staring right back at you.
7. Your newly exposed thigh is just there, taunting you, and begging you to wear a new pair of pants already.
8. But you power through anyway because you weren't raised to be a quitter!
9. "This is fashion," you tell yourself. "Ripped jeans are IN!" You almost start believing your own lie.
10. That is, until you enter a car the wrong way. You forget that you were wearing THOSE pants, and — while you're usually very careful — you make one wrong move and split your pants thigh to ass.
11. And this is when you'd think you'd find acceptance. The pants are ruined. But nope, not you!
12. You go out and buy a cheap iron-on patch or a tiny sewing kit and get to work like the mice in Cinderella.
13. And sure, it works for a second. Key word: second.
14. You sit down, the patch falls off, the pants rip even further, and your thigh skin smiles back at you like it knows what it just did.
15. This is it. The pants are dead, and you finally accept their fate.
16. So you shed one invisible tear, throw 'em away, and drive yourself to the store.
17. To do what, you ask? Buy the same exact pair of pants that literally just ripped.
18. Sure, they'll probably rip again in a few months. But at least they make your butt look reallll nice!
