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19 Tweets About Straight People That'll Make You Laugh Despite Everything

Spill the juice!

1. I'd have to spill everything other than tea:

2. I'd also have to make every one of my children wear this:

3. I'd become a "scientist":

4. I'd feel threatened by someone else's existence:

5. I'd assume every queer couple are simply friends...

6. ...even if they're literally getting married:

7. I'd fall in love with an ogre or a bee:

8. I might actually spend money on these:

9. I'd say "What about me?" to anyone who will listen:

Me: Happy Pride to all the gays 🌈 Straight person:

10. I'd be generally confused for about 97% of the day:

11. I'd say "you're wrong" to someone who is clearly right:

12. I'd shop based on the opinions of people who don't matter:

13. I'd assume every queer person wants to fuck me:

14. I'd be asking questions like this:

15. I'd also make shit up whenever I felt like it:

16. I’d have to pretend that the word “gay” is taboo and never utter it:

17. I'd think this is sound logic:

18. I'd include myself whenever I could:

19. So it’s a good thing I’m not straight and I’m very fucking gay: