Cinco de Mayo is upon us, or as I like to call it, Cinco de why the hell are you wearing a sombrero again Emily I thought we went through this already.
There will be plenty of alcohol poured, margaritas served, and tacos to be had (which is all fine and dandy), but I'm here to talk to the non-Latino folks who think it's cute to dress/act like a "Mexican" on that day.
Now, while I don't owe any of y'all an education, I'm gonna do you a solid and show you exactly what to avoid doing so you don't go out on your bar crawl lookin' clownish and disrespectful.
1.Put the sombrero back on the Party City rack you found it on and go out without one. You can buy a drink with the $15 you just saved.
2.The same goes for the sarape you Amazon Primed on May 3rd so it could come just in time for your first margarita. It's not your color anyway.
3.Don't add an "O" to the end of every single one of your English words and pretend you just spent two years abroad in Mexico City. That's not Spanish, Chad.
4.Speaking of O's, out of courtesy, stop using the phrase "Cinco de drinko." It's cursed and makes my ears bleed.
5.This also isn't the time to practice your high school level Spanish on native speakers. You can call yourself an explorer all you want, but you ain't no Dora.
6.And just to drive the previous point home, don't use the three Spanish phrases you learned from Speedy Gonzales like, "¡Arriba, arriba!" and "¡Ándale, ándale!"
7.Don't speak English with a bad Mexican accent. Or a Mexican accent in general. If you're not Mexican, chances are it's bad by default.
8.Thinking of putting on a fake mustache? How 'bout you just rub some Rogaine on your current mustache and grow a real one. Leave your Mexican stereotypes out of this.
9.It's not Mexican Independence Day (that's in September), so don't mistakenly say it is. If you want the education behind the holiday, read up on it here.
10.Don't host your own "Mexican-themed fiesta" that does nothing for the culture, especially when 97% of the guest list is full of Wyatts and Katelyns.
11.If you buy some maracas and bring 'em to any house party or bar, I guarantee you'll be the most hated person there. And that's cultural insensitivity aside, you'll probably just be drunk, loud, and annoying as hell.
12.Don't tell Mexicans who are offended by non-Mexicans doing these things that they are "too sensitive." Balls are sensitive, we aren't.
13.And finally, don't shame Mexicans for not wanting to celebrate this day or go out and get blackout drunk for no reason. For a lot of us, this is just another day. Respect that.
In conclusion, enjoy Cinco de Mayo all you want! Go out if you want, support Mexican-owned businesses, learn about the day, celebrate our beautiful culture responsibly, just don't pretend like my culture is your costume to use and abuse. It's really simple.
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