Hooray, it’s time for a trip to Primark, Valhalla of unexpected fashion bargains!
Fancy an entire new wardrobe? Got a spare 50p? PRIMARK!
However. When shopping in Primark you will run the gamut of emotions, so beware.
1. First you will be overcome by awe and wonder.
Look at all the pretty things!
And look how cheap they all are!
The endless parade of unbelievably cheap clothing soon overwhelms you.
You go into a weird colour and texture-based trance.
When you come to, you’re carrying 20 identical onesies and have no idea where your friends are.
Which is when the next emotion hits...
2. Panic.
Current status: sitting in the control pants section of Oxford Street Primark, rocking back and forward to calm myself #PanicSaturday
— Dora Somerville (@doraexploring) December 21, 2013
SOS - Lost in Reading Primark
— CJ Tee (@chickenoriental) December 28, 2013
You think you last saw your friends in the knitwear section.
But now the knitwear section looks like this:
#britishproblemsnight walking round primark but browsing for clothes on the floor because they've all fallen
— josie (@narryspizzzaaa) December 28, 2013
Lingerie is a bombsite.
And you rule out checking the fitting rooms.
But suddenly...
3. Hope.
Could it be.... replica couture? Quick! Rush over there before someone else spots it!
But invariably you will next feel...
4. Disappointment.
5. Then there's the rage.
Primark is the most horrific store ever. It's always 100 degrees and packed with ill-mannered people
— Jake Bennett (@Jake_Bennett) December 28, 2013
There's never a place a man can stand in peace in Primark without being in the way! #nuisance
— Rammo (@AndyRammo) December 28, 2013
How the hell do people shop in Primark!! TOO MANY PEOPLE! #Dying #Stress #HatingLife
— Jess North (@_jessnorth) December 28, 2013
So much rage.
I hate shopping in primark everyone walks too slow and i just saw someone wearing pauls boutique
— lesterslions (@lesterslions) December 30, 2013
How the hell are you trying to flirt with me whilst rummaging through the reduced rail in Primark? #no
— Bea (@Habbibaaa) December 30, 2013
6. Oh, and the guilt.
And it's not that you don't care. It's just that fleece-lined tights are £3.50 and you're only human goddamnit.
7. The next emotion you'll probably experience is disbelief. There is so much to not believe in Primark.
For instance, it looks like fake bums are now a thing.
And how have you managed to do without Aztec elbow-patch Bambi pyjamas for so long?
Also, er, apparently this.
it actually smelt like vagina in primark
— ~Radioactive~ (@f0rever_wild) December 28, 2013
8. ANYWAY. The next emotion you will experience is queueing.
Queueing is an emotion when you're British.
There'll probably be some of this.
Standing in Primark next to a woman with 3 teeth, standard
— Harry (@HaichEllDubya) December 28, 2013
And this.
Everytime I go in a primark there is at least 7 babies crying. Is there some unwritten rule?
— Hanni R-B (@HanniRB) December 28, 2013
But finally, partly fuelled by Haribo, you will arrive at the checkout.
9. Where triumph kicks in! You've bought five million things for the cost of a decent pair of jeans in another store. Because you are a GENIUS.
Check it out! You got these brogues for a tenner!
And these press-on nails for only £1!
And let's not forget your new improved bottom.
Hmm? What's that? Your paper Primark bags have split in the rain?
Your Primark leggings aren't quite as opaque as you thought?
AND you could have bought half that stuff online without even having gone to Primark?
That's fine. That's totally fine. That just takes us to the tenth traditional Primark-related emotion.
10. Buyer's remorse.
