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How Paranoid Are You?

"Paranoia: You only have to be right once to make it all worth while."

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  1. Check all that apply:

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    You check behind the shower curtain before using the bathroom.
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    You check for murderers hiding in your closet/under your bed.
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    If the doorbell rings and you aren't expecting someone, you hide and wait for them to leave.
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    If you are walking at night and hear a strange noise, you literally run for your life.
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    You consistently look in your car's rearview mirror to make sure there isn't a clown in your backseat.
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    If a car is behind you for more than two minutes, you take a different route to see if they are following you.
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    You memorize license plates anytime you're suspicious of a vehicle.
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    Like when an unfamiliar car is parked outside your house and you prepare for battle.
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    You have some sort of weapon stashed in your room.
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    You never answer calls from blocked numbers because you'd rather not know if there is a murderer calling from inside your house.
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    The second you shut off the lights downstairs, you make a run for it.
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    Honestly, you're just convinced someone is trying to murder you.
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    You are a germaphobe.
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    When you have a bad headache you assume you have a brain tumor.
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    When you have an unfamiliar pain in your body you assume you are dying.
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    And then you download the WebMD app to confirm your worst fears.
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    You set six alarms to wake you up in the morning.
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    You check three times to make sure you turned them on.
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    You have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C for just about every scenario.
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    You take superstitions very seriously.
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    When you are first to finish a test you think you must have done something wrong.
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    You know 2+2=4 but you check it on your calculator anyway.
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    You feel like you are being watched.
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    You never undress in front of your laptop incase someone activates your webcam to spy.
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    You think your friends subtweet/make passive aggressive statuses about you.
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    You worry that people can read your thoughts, specifically the ones you're having about them.
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    If someone doesn't answer your text fast enough you worry they are mad at you.
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    Even more nerve-racking is when you know they read your text and they still don't answer. YUP DEFINITELY PISSED.
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    You don't do drugs because you're afraid you'll die the first time.
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    You think if you're in the bathroom for more than two minutes everyone will assume you're pooping.
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    You freak out when you are home alone and your dog starts barking for no reason.
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    You think your dog/cat can see things that you can't AKA spirits.
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    If you're near a group of people that are whispering/laughing, you think it's about you.
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    The only explanation is that they think you're hideous/your outfit is stupid/you must have something on your face that's so damn funny.
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    If two of your friends are texting when you're in the same room as them, you assume it's about you.
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    At least you know for a fact the lady doing your nails is talking smack.
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    When family/friends are late to arrive you think the worst.
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    If you hear a strange noise on an airplane you immediately start praying.
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    When you don't hear from the person you went on a date with you think of every possible thing you may have done wrong to deserve this.
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    You worry that you forgot to lock your door even though you totally did.
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    You check multiple times to make sure you're sending a text to the right person and not the one that you are gossiping about.
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    Sometimes when you talk and no one responds, you think that maybe you're dead.
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    You can't sleep knowing there's a live insect in your room because yes it will definitely crawl into your mouth while you're sleeping.
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    You cross the street to avoid large groups of youths who definitely plan to rob you.
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    You're afraid of being pulled over by a fake cop.
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    The "Final Destination" film series gives you extreme anxiety.
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    You avoid shows like "Criminal Minds" or "SVU" because SERIAL KILLERS.
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    Did I mention how sure you are that someone is out to get you?
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    Paranoid Parrot is your spirit animal.
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    Your life motto: Trust no one.
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