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How Paranoid Are You?

"Paranoia: You only have to be right once to make it all worth while."

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  1. 1. Check all that apply:

    You check behind the shower curtain before using the bathroom.
    You check for murderers hiding in your closet/under your bed.
    If the doorbell rings and you aren't expecting someone, you hide and wait for them to leave.
    If you are walking at night and hear a strange noise, you literally run for your life.
    You consistently look in your car's rearview mirror to make sure there isn't a clown in your backseat.
    If a car is behind you for more than two minutes, you take a different route to see if they are following you.
    You memorize license plates anytime you're suspicious of a vehicle.
    Like when an unfamiliar car is parked outside your house and you prepare for battle.
    You have some sort of weapon stashed in your room.
    You never answer calls from blocked numbers because you'd rather not know if there is a murderer calling from inside your house.
    The second you shut off the lights downstairs, you make a run for it.
    Honestly, you're just convinced someone is trying to murder you.
    You are a germaphobe.
    When you have a bad headache you assume you have a brain tumor.
    When you have an unfamiliar pain in your body you assume you are dying.
    And then you download the WebMD app to confirm your worst fears.
    You set six alarms to wake you up in the morning.
    You check three times to make sure you turned them on.
    You have a plan A, a plan B, and a plan C for just about every scenario.
    You take superstitions very seriously.
    When you are first to finish a test you think you must have done something wrong.
    You know 2+2=4 but you check it on your calculator anyway.
    You feel like you are being watched.
    You never undress in front of your laptop incase someone activates your webcam to spy.
    You think your friends subtweet/make passive aggressive statuses about you.
    You worry that people can read your thoughts, specifically the ones you're having about them.
    If someone doesn't answer your text fast enough you worry they are mad at you.
    Even more nerve-racking is when you know they read your text and they still don't answer. YUP DEFINITELY PISSED.
    You don't do drugs because you're afraid you'll die the first time.
    You think if you're in the bathroom for more than two minutes everyone will assume you're pooping.
    You freak out when you are home alone and your dog starts barking for no reason.
    You think your dog/cat can see things that you can't AKA spirits.
    If you're near a group of people that are whispering/laughing, you think it's about you.
    The only explanation is that they think you're hideous/your outfit is stupid/you must have something on your face that's so damn funny.
    If two of your friends are texting when you're in the same room as them, you assume it's about you.
    At least you know for a fact the lady doing your nails is talking smack.
    When family/friends are late to arrive you think the worst.
    If you hear a strange noise on an airplane you immediately start praying.
    When you don't hear from the person you went on a date with you think of every possible thing you may have done wrong to deserve this.
    You worry that you forgot to lock your door even though you totally did.
    You check multiple times to make sure you're sending a text to the right person and not the one that you are gossiping about.
    Sometimes when you talk and no one responds, you think that maybe you're dead.
    You can't sleep knowing there's a live insect in your room because yes it will definitely crawl into your mouth while you're sleeping.
    You cross the street to avoid large groups of youths who definitely plan to rob you.
    You're afraid of being pulled over by a fake cop.
    The "Final Destination" film series gives you extreme anxiety.
    You avoid shows like "Criminal Minds" or "SVU" because SERIAL KILLERS.
    Did I mention how sure you are that someone is out to get you?
    Paranoid Parrot is your spirit animal.
    Your life motto: Trust no one.

How Paranoid Are You?

Wow, what it must be like to be you! You are confident, fearless and live a worry-free lifestyle. To be honest, you could use a little more paranoia in your life. It's better to be safe than sorry!
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You're the perfect amount of paranoid. You know it's better to be safe than sorry, but at the same time you're not afraid to go out into the world and live life to the fullest. Go you!

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You're a paranoid parrot. You find the world to be a scary place with scary people, and you're just trying to protect yourself from all of it. It's okay to play it safe - but don't forget to have some fun!

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A little paranoia never hurt anyone, but you are too paranoid! You think the world is out to get you, and hardly trust anyone in your life. What you need to do is relax a bit, and maybe get some therapy.

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