The Bible, Jesus & Hannibal.
You know that feeling when you're in love, and the person loves you back, and everything just feels RIGHT? You just GET each other and you're there for each other and you tell each other everything?
No, like, I'm asking you. Do you know that feeling? Cos I mean, I don't. Is that shit even real? I kind of feel like some depressed motherfucker wrote that in a book once to make themselves feel better and now everyone is just taking it for fact, like the bible.
Like Jeezus didn't really part any sea, okay? And Eve didn't eat an apple because we all know that it's the men who can't control their damn urges. Like fucking Hannibal Lecter. Couldn't control his urges. Ate people's faces off. I bet you ANYTHING it was Adam who ate the apple and was like "Oh shit I fucked up all of humanity–I KNOW I'll write a book about it blaming my girlfriend NBD" and that's how the bible was born.
Everyone keeps saying Jeezus is coming back but honestly if he was real there would be an annual pass for Taco Bell by now. I sent them a whole financial report breaking it down and never even got a thank you so honestly? I don't know what to tell you.
Also if god was real he wouldn't make shows like the the Carbonaro Effect. Why does he pretend he doesn't realize he's doing magic when he CLEARLY FUCKING IS?!
So anyways, that's why I don't believe in god. Maybe someday if Taco Bell gets that season pass on the menu and Carbonaro gets taken off the air, and Jeezus is like "Okay, look. That's not my blood it's…it's wine guys." Until then, I'll continue to follow the only honest man I know, Sir Lecter.