Poop Mountain
It was an average shift working your favorite roller coaster, when it suddenly smelled as if King King had farted and sealed the doors shut. That's when we realized...
Poop Mountain
Working at a popular theme park is a lot of fun. You get to meet people from all over the world, get free admission into the parks, and it’s a real privilege to get to work somewhere that people travel from all over the world just to spend a few days in.
With the millions of people who walk through the park gates each year, you’re bound to get a few who have different cultural standards or protocols. For example, I would never poop in the line of a roller coaster and smear it on the walls. But in some cultures, that may be normal.
It started out as a normal shift at a popular rollercoaster that we’ll call Poop Mountain. The entire park was kept pristine, and Poop Mountain was no exception. Low lighting, a sterile silver and blue color scheme, and the low hum of rockets launching to the moon all contributed to a calm yet electric energy of one of the best experiences in the park.
As always, we had a long steady line of about 60 minutes when the ride operators (ROs) started to sniff the air and exchange puzzled, and disgusted looks.
People entering the ride were also sniffing the air, and it wasn’t long before everyone was looking around as if King Kong had just farted in the building and sealed the doors.
That’s when we noticed that people were tracking some sort of brown substance in on their shoes. And on the railings. But no…
That’s impossible. How could there be…
BUT IT WAS
It was human feces.
Someone had taken a shit in the line of Poop Mountain, MY MOUNTAIN, and smeared it ALL down the handrails, and tracked it inside of the building.
Besides the obvious issues that were at hand, I had a few questions about the logistics of this heist.
1. Where in the line did this poopatraitor shit where no one noticed? I mean, I assume it was in the line, or did this person take a shit in their hands and carry it in under a jacket?
2. How did they cover the ENTIRE inside of a rollercoaster building in shit? Was this a human we were dealing with or a pack of invisible gorillas?
3. Why? Why in general, why was it not only tracked on the floor, but also smeared over hundreds of feet of hand rails, and again, just why?
We closed the ride immediately and emptied the building. It took our custodial crew 4 hours to clean and sanitize the affected areas. 4 hours of shit.
“Why is the ride broken? Should I be concerned?”
“Oh don’t worry it’s not broken, someone actually took a shit in the line and smeared it. On everything. They covered so much ground that it’s a 4 hour clean-up job. You understand. But don’t worry, they’re sanitizing it now so be sure to come back later!”
Although it was nearly 10 years ago, the memory still haunts me. I find myself suspicious of those near me in theme park lines, terrified that something’s going to fall out their pant leg at any moment. Honestly, you should be too. The poopatraitor was never caught, and will most likely strike again. You never know if you may find yourself the next passenger on….POOP MOUNTAIN.
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