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Baseball's Ugly All Star Team

This may not be the most talented team on the field...but even Pujols would tell you it's tough to get a hit when you stare at the opposing pitcher and your eyes burst into flames. Here is an all star team of current players who would make even the most seasoned of veterans cringe.

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Shelley Duncan: 1st Base

One day in the near future, you are going to go on a beautiful family vacation somewhere up in the mountains. You will build a fire, roast marshmallows, and tell ghost stories. Then Shelley Duncan is going to rape your entire family. There is nothing you can do about this unfortunately. Sorry.

Placido Polanco: 3rd Base

Placido Polanco's brain is clearly trying to escape from his skull. How is it humanly possible to function when you look like this? How does he move? How does he get out of bed? How does he reach the back of his head to scratch it?

Corey Hart: Outfield

Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat, terrified from an already forgotten dream? Well, you have Corey Hart to thank for that. Look at that photo. That was not taken at a baseball game. That is just how Corey appears to most unsuspecting people. Stay vigilant.

Bartolo Colon: Starting Pitcher

Despite the alarming number of overly qualified ugly starting pitchers, this one's got to go to Bartolo Colon. Bartolo looks like Muammar right now...six months deceased. With his stem cell enhanced super arm, I think it is safe to say that in ten years (when he's 400 lbs and still pitching) he will once again be the clear front runner for this honor.

Honorable Mention: Jorge Cantu

Cantu would have been an obvious choice for third base if he didn't suck so badly that no team wanted him. Unfortunately, that is the case. He is currently a free agent and therefore, unqualified.

Honorable Mention: Freddie Freeman

This was a pretty close call for first base. Despite Freddie looking like Buzz McCallister from Home Alone, the overall terror exuded by Shelley Duncan ultimately prevailed. Maybe one day soon, Freeman can assume his place on the throne.

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