Here's the 20-part Jonah Ryan guide to being a douchebag.
1. Display an attitude of superiority and an inflated sense of self at work.
2. Have a knack for using horrible pickup lines.
3. Simply refuse to accept the fact that people really just don't like you.
4. Brag about your life credo (and where you have it tattooed).
5. Hit on people with whom you have absolutely no chance.
6. Give orders to people who hate you like this:
7. Make people uncomfortable with your Madras shorts.
8. Refrain from washing your hands after going to the bathroom in order to increase your chances of picking up a lady friend.
9. Hit on someone while that person is on a date, in front of that person's date.
10. Get creative when you address people.
11. Go in for the awkward embrace.
12. Rub your coworker's impending doom in his or her face.
13. Deliver more bad pickup lines.
14. Ask bad questions.
15. Drop inappropriate film references.
16. Get a little artful and disgusting when sizing up what needs to be done in a situation.
17. Get in touch with your visceral side.
18. If you get fired, insult people's moms.
19. Run a news blog while knowing nothing about journalism.
20. And when all else fails, straight up demand respect.
Finally, the most important thing to remember about Jonah?
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