"Dexter" Is Having The Worst Final Season Ever

Do the writers hate us? (SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't caught up on the final seasons of "Dexter" and "Breaking Bad")

Remember when Dexter was good? Well...

It's bad now.

To open the season we have...The Maria LaGuerta Memorial Bench?

Yep. A bench. Thanks for your service.

Oh, and Bautista is Lieutenant now.

Spoiler Alert: He's really, really bad at it. How's the restaurant, Angel?

Angel has to pick a new sergeant. And he has to choose between:

This character who's not a character.

And...Quinn?

It's compelling stuff.

At the start of the season, Deb had quit her job, was drinking and doing drugs.

Wow! A character suffering the consequences of their actions? This won't last long.

She was even mad at Dexter!

Surely this is a plot point that we will follow throughout the season leading to a thoughtful examination of what kind of person Dexter really is and the harm he does to people. Right?

Nah.

This was like, the 4th episode, by the way.

Quinn and Jamie are dating now (maybe living together?)

Because this is something we should be spending time on in our final season.

Surely this will be the only worthless subplot on which our limited time is wasted.

You wish.

We've also got...

Masuka's long lost, sperm donor daughter...

Hi, Becky!

No one else does!

Dexter taking on Zach "Belieber" Hamilton as a pupil...

Because he's young, he says "dude" a lot. Good job, writers.

Good question, Deb.

Deb's new boss: Jacob Elway...

He wears checkered shirts.

I'm pretty sure he stole Bautista's fedora.

Even with a suit! Give me a break, Angel.

The actual Dexter material is bogged down with...

Terribly written voiceover...

Seriously, writers. Who hurt you?

F**king Ghost Harry...

$1,000,000 to the person who finds one moment in this whole series where Ghost Harry was used to good effect.

Dexter's edition of "Mommy What Will I Look Like"...

This actually happened.

Hannah McKay: Dexter's least interesting, yet most important, love interest (apparently).

I'm really sorry that you're stuck on this show, Sarah Walker.

So, in conclusion, we've gone from this...

Emotional complexity and stakes!

To this.

Thank goodness. I was really invested in that.

But at least we still have this on Sunday nights.

More emotion and payoff built into this one line than every moment in this season of "Dexter" combined.