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The Paul Ryan Girls Emerge... Finally

Obama, Romney, Biden and McCain all have their songbirds. Now "Bowhunter" has a chorus to call his own.

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P-P-P-Paul Ryan

By Douglas Widick and Anna Callegari


I ordinarily won’t vote for a guy on the right, but ‘cause of P90X, your ass is so tight.

Your black coiffed hair, and rigid stare, make me wanna give you my underwear.

You got hair like the fonzo, a nose like gonzo,

I just wanna fall into your arms of bronze-ohhhh

P-p-p-paul Ryan

Hope you don’t think i’m pryin’

P-p-p-paul Ryan

I love you I ain’t lyin’

and if anyone can switch me to the right with their body it’s you (youyouyouyou)

It fills other liberals with vitriol, but we all know, every sperm has a soul

I found this baby in the lost and found, maybe the mom should’ve got an ultrasound

We can just make love you don’t even have to date me,

treat me like medicare and eradicate me!

I know I might not look like Ayn Rand, but can we still roll around in the sand?

P-p-p-paul Ryan

you know there’s no denyin’

P-p-p-paul Ryan

boy you got me cryin’

and if anyone can tell me what to do with my body, it’s you (youyouyouyou)

In college he drove the weinermobile, I dream I’m in the front seat copping a feel

Of the real America, he’s a real protector, I wanna get all up in his private sector!

If we lived together we’d have so many guns, keep the immigrants out, using them

Make the income gap bigger and the poor stay poor, I had gay friends but...not anymore.

P-p-p-paul Ryan

your love has got me dyin’

P-p-p-paul Ryan

boy you got me sighin’

and if anyone can tell me how to think with my brain, it’s you.