1. When Becky Went Out For Drinks And Didn't Invite Me What's that all about, Becky? You know I like cocktails more than that fake bitch Nancy. She doesn't even swallow it she just sloshes it back and forth in her mouth and spits it back in to her cup. Is this because I win beer pong every time we go out? Don't be a sore loser, Becky. 2. When Becky Started A "Going Abroad" Blog And Failed To Mention Me I was there too, remember? Maybe I want to make people on Facebook feel bad about my parents having money with you but nooo, everything has to be about Becky. Becky, Becky, Becky. We're here to provide a service to these Guatemalan children, so can you put the phone down and help me spread our Imperialistic dreams already? Ugh, you're so uneducated. 3. When Becky Won Homecoming Queen And I Didn't Guess what Becky I'm still not over it. 4. When Becky Fed Me Peanuts Despite My Allergies I can't even look at a picture of peanuts online without my left eye completely crusting over. You know how bad my allergies are yet you still shoved my face in to a whole jar of Peanut Butter at Dean Schultz Fraternity/Sorority Mixer last week. That fart-shit stain is never going to come out of his carpet and it's all thanks to you. How could you do me like that, Becky? You KNOW I like Dean!!!!!! 5. When Becky Ruined Harry Potter For Me If you had waited three days I would have been done with the book and then we could have discussed the fall of a noble wizard but instead, you had to go off running your fat mouth about Dumbledores death. Seriously, fuck off Becky! 6. When Becky Posted A Photo Online And I Wasn't In It Becky! What the hell? You conveniently cut me out of the photo you posted of all the girls at last Wednesday's Ice Cream Social! So what if they banned me from Church property for continuously making out with the corner street lamp when I'm drunk? Friends stick together. I don't care how much legal trouble you'd get in for saying I was there with you, post the photo with me in it! You two-faced bitch! 7. When Becky Called Ahead To Target And Told Them Not To Sell Any Weapons To Me Quit being so self-involved, Becky. I wasn't buying the weapons to track you down and make you suffer unexplainable torture, I was buying them for a hunting trip me and my Grandpa are going on next week. Surprise, he's back in town after being dead for fifteen years, but you wouldn't know that since you never ask me how I'm doing Becky. God I hate Becky. Sometimes I just want to kill her. 8. When Becky Refused To Tell Me Where She Moved To I just want to catch up, Becky! Where have you been all these years? Why'd you block my phone number? How fast can your body decompose? I'm harmless, can't you see that? No? Of course you can't. You know, I really hope you get what's coming to you someday, Becky.