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25 Thoughts You Have When Doing Last-Minute Christmas Shopping At A Mall

Don't do it. For the love of God, just don't!

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1. After spending three hours trying to find parking: "WHY THE FUCK CAN'T I FIND PARKING?! FML!!!"

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Being stranded in the parking lot of a mall is the devil's response to Christmas.

2. "OMG. WHAT THE HELL ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE DOING HERE?!"

Being at a mall, shopping for last minute gifts, will make you lose all faith in humanity.

3. For those without kids: "I am never having kids. EVER."

Disney

Want great birth control? Go to Toys R' Us.

4. For those with kids: "Why did I bring the kids? WHY DID I HAVE KIDS?!"

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"Seriously considering telling the kids Santa isn't real just so we don't have to wait in this two-hour line to see him."

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5. When you've been waiting in line to pay for the last 30 minutes: "I should've used Amazon."

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Seriously, use Amazon.

6. "Wait – 50 fucking dollars for a toaster?! ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!"

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JC Penny... I'm looking at you.

7. "What if we don't do Christmas this year? Would that really be the worst thing in the world?"

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Like... who gives a fuck really?

8. "What if I give my family love this year instead of gifts."

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That's what Christmas is all about, right? Love? ... Hello?

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9. "I haven't bought my S.O. their present yet.........................."

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Proposition: You should wait a week AFTER Christmas to swap gifts. That way neither one of you have to deal with Christmas shoppers.

10. "My arms are getting tired."

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It's a work out. Like, for real.

11. "So are my legs."

You know what? I might just be out of shape... :(

12. "I kinda want a Cinnabon."

I'm already in hell. I might as well enjoy the devil's food.
Getty Images/iStockphoto Jeff Metzger

I'm already in hell. I might as well enjoy the devil's food.

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13. "I wonder who's singing this version of 12 Days of Christmas."

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Seriously, who the fuck is that?

14. "Note to self: If you ever have a baby, don't bring them to the mall."

I mean, just... look at them.

15. "I kinda feel like I need to get Starbucks because the red cup would blend into this Christmas shopping experience..."

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Yeah. Christmas shopping experience...

16. "That's a huge fucking line! FUCK IT!"

Fuck it all to hell.

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17. "Is it me, or does it look like a tornado just swept through H&M?"

Look at this mess left by the after Christmas Sale shoppers in Great Mall at H&M. Yikes... 😧😬😱

Hansen Nichols@HansenNicholsFollow

Look at this mess left by the after Christmas Sale shoppers in Great Mall at H&M. Yikes...

10:43 AM - 28 Dec 13ReplyRetweetFavorite

18. "OK. How many times are they going to play "12 Days of Christmas"?"

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My head is going to explode.

19. "Note to self: Don't look at your bank statement for the next two weeks unless you want to get your heart broken."

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WHEN THE – HOW THE – FAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

20. "I wish I could buy everyone a gift card. But then it looks like I made no effort at all."

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I'd be so happy if I got a gift card to Applebee's. Just sayin.'

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21. "I can't seem to find a good gift for this person. It's totally OK to buy them a bottle of Jack Daniels. Right?"

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Because who doesn't like free alcohol? Seriously.

22. "What should I get my parents? What are my parents into? Oh my God, I don't know my parents at all!"

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What if I just get them a gift card?

23. "I have a headache. A FUCKING HEADACHE! WHY AM I STRESSIN'? CHRISTMAS SHOULD NOT BE THIS STRESSFUL! I STILL HAVE TO COOK!"

Showtime

24. "You know what I need?"

25. "I love Christmas."

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And kids too!