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19 Thoughts Only Bad Catholics Would Understand

OMG. I'm going to hell.

1. Your main thought during Mass: "I'm hungry. Is this almost over?"


Especially during an early morning Mass, all you're really thinking about is bacon.

2. "Is it me or is the church choir performing REALLY bad today?"

Flickr: johnragai

Today sounds really... off. More than usual.

3. When listening to the priest delivering the homily: "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ"

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"I'm not sleeping Father. I'm just concentrating on my prayers."

4. On Friday during Lent: "Steak or Salad?... Steak."

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It's not a sin. It's nourishment.

5. On Sunday: "Go to church or sleep in?... Sleep in."


If God is everywhere, why do I have to go to church? Why can't I just pray from the comfort of my bed? Does God not want me to be comfortable?

6. "Will anyone notice if I mumble through the Rosary?"

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This is my 24th Hail Mary... I'm not even going to speak in complete sentences.

7. "If we never go to church throughout the year, why do we have to go on Christmastime?"

Flickr: wetpain

And while we're on the topic of Christmas...

8. When doing the traditional Catholic ceremonies during Christmastime: "Are we doing this for the sake of faith or for the sake of tradition?"

Like, for real. How many of these Rosaries, baby Jesus cradlings, and extra midnight Masses are we fully investing our souls into?

9. When drinking alcohol: "If Jesus approved of wine, then I'm sure he'll approve of me chugging it."

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Plus, wine is good for the heart.

10. "Does the priest truly care about my confession or is he just phoning it in?"


A priest is not God. They are human, like everyone else, and they're doing a job. And just like any other job, it's hard to care ALL THE TIME.

11. "Do I reeeeeeeeeally have to wait till marriage before having sex?"



12. "Is it bad that I can't remember a single passage from the Bible?"

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Seriously, is it bad? Because I can't even paraphrase any of it.

13. When it comes time to kneel during Mass: "What would happen if I just don't do it?"

Does God REALLY care?

14. When Benedict XVI was Pope: "This Pope kinda sucks. John Paul II was better."

Getty Images/ Gianni Ferrari

We all thought this.

15. "What am I giving up for Lent? How about... nothing. Sorry Jesus."

Yes, I could say I'll give up chocolate for 40 days but then I'd be lying. And as we all know JESUS DOESN'T LIKE LIARS.

16. When going to CCD as a kid: "I don't know what I'm doing here. I just want to know what a Communion wafer tastes like."

"What do you mean I have to memorize all these prayers?! I GOT HOMEWORK TO DO!"

17. When taking the Communion wafer for the first time: "This... doesn't taste like anything. Not gonna lie, kind of a let down."

You always thought it would taste like something sweet. It doesn't. It doesn't taste like anything.

18. And when the wafer would stick to the top of your mouth: "The body of Christ is really sticky."


"I... I think I need to wash this down with his blood."

19. "It's OK. I'll just confess on Sunday."


And all is good in the hood.

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