1. “Sleep over? Why do you need to sleep over there if you have a house?”
No sleep overs. Ever. :(
2. “You don’t like beans? What do you think this is? A restaurant?”
You ate whatever was in front of you. END OF STORY.
3. “THIS IS NOT A HOTEL! No señor! You don’t come back home at whatever time you want!”
“But 8:30 isn’t that late.”
4. “You’re not going anywhere until you finish eating your nopales.”
5. “You just wait till we get home.”
Shit, I fucked up.
6. “You just wait till your dad gets home.”
Shit, I REALLY fucked up.
7. At a family party: “Did you say hello to everyone?”
“But… there’s like over a hundred people here.”
8. In front of a cousin you haven’t seen in forever: “KISS HER ON THE CHEEK. SHE’S YOUR COUSIN!”
Thanks, mom, for making this more awkward than it has to be.
9. “EY! Speak in Spanish so your uncle can understand.”
Uncle: ¿De que hablan?
Me: Ehh… Los Lakers.
12. “WAKE UP! We’re going to church today.”
14. “Ahorita vas a ver, hijo de tu madre.”
Shit is about to go down.
15. “You look fat.”
Your mom will always have a nice cup of honesty waiting just for you.
16. “Eat some more.”
“But you just said I look fat…”
17. “We’re eating leftovers.”
“But we’ve been eating leftovers for the past six days…”
18. “You don’t like it? Fine. You’re not eating then.”
Mom: “There are kids in Mexico who don’t have anything to eat!”
Me: “So… are you going to mail it to them?”
Mom: “iNO SEAS PAYASO!“
20. “Go get the belt.”
Just keeping it real. This was NEVER a good thing. Alas, we learn from our mistakes and move forward.
22. “Are you crying?? I’LL GIVE YOU A REASON TO CRY!!”
This only made you cry even more.
23. “I’m not asking you to wash the dishes. I’M TELLING YOU!”
24. When you’re next in line at the supermarket: “Oh wait. I forgot the milk. I’ll be back.”
Cashier: “Your total is $14.99.”
25. “You want a quarter? They’re hiring at McDonald’s.”
“BUT I’M 8 YEARS OLD!”
But at the end of the day, she’s your mom. And through thick and thin, she’ll always be there for you. You wouldn’t have it any other way.
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