Kevin Arnold (played by Fred Savage) was the boy next door, who through wit, charm, and overall realness could overcome the trying times of adolescence in the late ’60s and early ’70s.
Throughout the six seasons of this coming-of-age tale, we saw many girls/women come and go in Kevin’s life. And now, through scientific analysis, we’ve come up with this totally academic ranking of Kevin’s love interests. The girls are ranked based on personality and dateability.
Without further ado…
23. Cindy Flemming
First appearance: Season 6 – “Wayne and Bonnie”
Memorable quote: “Look! There’s some swings over there! You wanna try them out?! Let’s go try them out!”
She’s a chirpy seventh-grader. This wouldn’t be a problem for Season 1 Kevin, but it’s a huge problem for Season 6 Kevin. Let’s move on.
22. Linda Carr
First appearance: Season 6 – “Scenes From a Wedding”
Memorable quote: “Hello, Kevin Kevin Arnold.”
Linda was a bridesmaid at a wedding that the Arnolds grudgingly attend. She’s a manipulative stoner with dead eyes who’s got the personality of a mossy potato. Kevin even ends up puking on her and we don’t blame him, tbh.
21. Alice Pedermeir
First appeared: Season 6 – “Alice in Autoland”
Memorable quote: “Kevin, when you’re in love, you can’t let anything stand in your way.”
Oh, god. Alice. She cries hysterically in seconds, blatantly lies to get what she wants, causes so much unnecessary drama, and she’s a sociopath. Plus she threw herself at Kevin, knowing full well he was going out with Winnie Cooper. Nope nope nope.
20. The Other Cindy
First appearance: Season 5 – “Full Moon Rising”
Memorable quote: “Maybe I could take a rain check?”
Oh, Cindy. She was pretty. But Kevin canceled his Friday night date with her, making up an elaborate story about his grandma’s liver disease, to take a joyride with his friends. So…yeah.
19. Lisa Berlini
First appearance: Season 1 – “The Phone Call”
Memorable quote: Kevin: “But…you just said you’d go with me to the dance.” Lisa: “That was before Brad asked me.”
Lisa Berlini was Kevin’s first real flirt outside of Winnie Cooper. After building the courage to ask Lisa out to a seventh-grade dance, she replies with a romantic “OKAY” via a class note. But when Brad, a more handsome, taller, and blonder kid, asks Lisa to the same dance, she immediately drops Kevin and says yes. What a terrible person.
18. Inga Finnstrom
First appearance: Season 5 – “Double Double Date”
Memorable quote: “Sometimes I get lonely, but then I tell myself, ‘Don’t be lonely,’ and then I’m not lonely.”
Winnie helps Kevin ask Inga, the Swedish exchange student, out to a school dance. In return, Kevin helps Winnie ask out some dude named Matt. Kevin and Winnie go to the dance with their respective dates, only to realize their dates are…not bright. And so, Kevin and Winnie peace out and rekindle their romance. Inga wasn’t bad, but she just wasn’t for Kevin. At least she found solace with Matt, and they could talk about their top five favorite colors.
17. Susan Fisher
First appearance: Season 3 – “Don’t Know Anything About Women”
Memorable quote: “Sodium chloride precipitate.”
Susan had amazing blonde hair, gorgeous eyes, and a Southern accent that could melt a heart. Unfortunately, that’s all she had. Kevin made the mistake of focusing all of his attention on Susan, completely ignoring the affections of his lab partner Linda Sloane. He would ultimately lose both at the school dance.
16. Gina Pruitt
First appearance: Season 3 – “The Pimple”
Memorable quote: “Two pimples passing in the night.”
When Kevin had his first gigantic zit, it tripped him out because he wanted to look good for Gina Pruitt. But that didn’t matter because Gina also had a gigantic zit. The two took comfort in each other’s zits and it was a charming way to introduce Kevin to the reality of adolescence.
15. Jessica Thomas
First appearance: Season 5 – “Road Test”
Memorable quote: “I was wondering if I could borrow your bio notes from yesterday?”
Jessica + Kevin had so much potential it hurts. You could cut the sexual tension between the two with a butter knife. Jessica agreed to go out with Kevin, but she wanted him to pick her up…in a car. Unfortunately, Kevin couldn’t parallel park for shit (therefore couldn’t get his driver’s license) and that pretty much put an end to this potential love affair.
14. Miss Farmer
First appearance: Season 6 – “Sex and Economics”
Memorable quotes: “Of course I want you to keep painting the house. After all, we made a deal. And a deal’s a deal.”
Yes, Miss Farmer was a ridiculously hot social studies teacher. But she also exploited Kevin’s naïveté to get him to paint her entire house for cheap. Kevin ended up losing over $200 just to paint a house that would eventually get sold and covered in aluminum. Keep in mind, THIS IS A SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHER.
13. Sandy Tyler
First appearance: Season 5 – “Triangle”
Memorable quote: “The Scarlet Letter? … It’s really thick and stupid. I mean, the lady is tempted once by love, and she’s made a complete outcast. I think the town overreacted.”
Kevin and Sandy were great together. There was lots of passion, lots of making out, and their compatibility was through the roof. Sandy could easily be No. 1 on this list. But there was one tiny problem: Sandy was Wayne’s girlfriend (you know, Kevin’s older brother). She was hooking up with two brothers at the same time. And that’s fucked up. It’s a good thing Wayne never found out.
12. Julie Aidem
First appearance: Season 5 – “Of Mastodons and Men”
Memorable quote: “I guess you forgot it’s our three-week anniversary.”
Julie held onto Kevin with a tight leash. At first Kevin was cool with all the cutesie collar-fixing and smothering. But after spending time with Julie’s female-dominated family and observing how they practically emasculated their father, Kevin did the right thing and broke up with her…in front of her family. Julie’s mom and sisters were devastated, but even Julie’s father was like, “Yup, RUN!” No more collar-fixing for this homegirl.
11. Miss White
First appearance: Season 2 – “Our Miss White”
Memorable quote: “‘My heart has never left you for a second. And I am and shall be the one whose for you is without measure.’ It’s from Cyrano de Bergerac.”
HOT. ENGLISH. TEACHER. Miss White was a source of inspiration for Kevin, and she taught him a lot about the civil rights leaders of the late ’60s, going as far as casting him in the role of Robert Kennedy in the school play she wrote. But their romance was nothing more than a 12-year-old’s fantasy.
10. Miss Hasenfuss
First appearance: Season 4 – “Courage”
Memorable quote: “Spit.”
Miss Hasenfuss was a dental assistant whose warmth was one of a kind. Kevin advises her to go back to dentistry school and she actually follows through, breaking his heart in the process. She left an impression on Kevin, and he still thinks about her every time he passes by a dentist’s office. Totally understandable.
9. Debbie Pfeiffer
First appearance: Season 4 – “Little Debbie”
Memorable quote: “This must be the most beautiful corsage any man gave any woman. You’re so thoughtful.”
If there were a Kevin Arnold fan club, Debbie Pfeiffer would be the president. It’s hard to say no to your best friend’s little sister, who musters up the courage to ask you out to a cotillion dance. Even though he knew this date wasn’t at all serious, and he was acting like a giant asshole the entire night, he still dove into a pool, fully clothed, just to save her earring. That’s the power of Debbie’s charm.
8. Denise the Grease
First appearance: Season 5 – “Frank and Denise”
Memorable quote: “Frank! Like the poet said, ‘She knew that in our degenerate days, bare virtue could not live on praise. That meat must be with money bought.’ OK?!”
Denise is a friggin’ badass with a tough exterior who has a soft spot for poetry. Her deep baritone voice and sassy attitude intimidates the boys at McKinley High. But her ex, Frank “The Stank,” wants to get back with her. Denise uses Kevin as a shoulder to cry on and talk about poetry, which does not go over well with The Stank. Denise makes out with Kevin, so what does Kevin do? He helps Frank get back with Denise. Talk about a missed opportunity.
7. Becky Slater
First appearance: Season 2 – “Steady as She Goes”
Memorable quote: “FRIENDS?! I’LL GIVE YOU ‘FRIENDS’!!”
What happens when you use Becky Slater to make Winnie Cooper jealous? She kicks your ass. This girl has principles and that’s commendable. If only Winnie had been out of the picture, these two could’ve made a great couple.
First appearance: Season 3 – “Summer Song”
Memorable quote: “What’s your name, Brown Eyes?”
Teri was the perfect summer fling. PERFECT. SUMMER. FLING. French kissing and all that good stuff. But like all summer flings, they must come to an end. They promised to write to each other, but Teri wrote only one letter. Who knows what would’ve happened if they kept at it.
5. Winnie Cooper
First appearance: Season 1 – “Pilot”
Memorable quote: “Kevin, I’ve met someone.”
Winnie Cooper is the WORST. Yes, that kiss on the pilot episode was sweet, and their rekindling moment set to The Stylistics’ “You Are Everything” is legendary. But goddamn it, SHE’S THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER. She cheats on Kevin TWICE, has a hissy-fit over a piece of jewelry, and gets extremely jealous because a waitress put some extra relish on the side for Kevin. Oh, and she’s also the queen of mixed signals. This girl is lucky to get No. 5 on this list. Sorry, Winnie. You’re not that great. Why Kevin had a thing for you as long as he did is one of the great mysteries of the 20th century.
4. Margaret Farquhar
First appearance: Season 2 – “Square Dance”
Memorable quote: Kevin: “Why do you have three pigtails?”
Margaret: “Cause you never know when you’re going to need an extra rubber band.”
“The flagship of seventh-grade weirdness.” Yeah. She rocked three ponytails and had a bat named Mortimer. She weirded everyone out, including gym teacher Mr. Cutlip. But once you got to know her, she was actually really smart and interesting. Margaret was partnered with Kevin for square dancing, and everyone made fun of him for it. Kevin learned to like her, but the pressures of seventh-grade superficiality got to him and he broke her heart. Seventh-graders are dicks.
First appearance: Season 5 – “The Lake”
Memorable quote: “I thought you were going to light my cigarette.”
Cara was the epitome of cool. She smoked cigarettes, hung out on the back of a pickup truck, and watched drive-in movies. But Kevin met Cara on a family summer trip to the lake, so this relationship had an expiration date. Kevin returned months later to track her down and relive their summer love, but by then, she had moved on to someone else. While Teri was a great summer fling, Cara was a fling of a lifetime.
2. Madeline Adams
First appearance: Season 4 – “Ninth Grade Man”
Memorable quote: “I never saw what the big deal about Winnie Cooper was anyway.”
THOSE EYEBROWS. Kevin should’ve dumped Winnie and rode off into the sunset with this elegant, French-speaking masterpiece of a gal. Even after Winnie dumps Kevin for some other dude, Madeline practically throws herself at Kevin, but the idiot doesn’t reciprocate. “I never saw what the big deal about Winnie Cooper was anyway.” AMEN, SISTER. You get No. 2.
1. Linda Sloane
First appearance: Season 3 – “Don’t Know Anything About Women”
Memorable quote: “When it comes to women, you don’t know anything, do you?”
I’m convinced that Linda Sloane was Kevin’s soulmate and his greatest missed opportunity. More than looks, this girl had the greatest personality of ANY character in the show, KEVIN INCLUDED. She was smart, sassy, and had perfect comic timing and wit. But Kevin, the idiot that he is, spends all of his time ogling Susan Fisher, the Southern belle with ZERO personality. Linda asks Kevin to the school dance and he STILL doesn’t get the hint. “She’s not that great, you know,” she tells Kevin at the school dance, who’s still looking for a shot with Susan. If Kevin sang out of tune, she would NOT stand up and walk out on him.