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22 Things Mexicans Will Remember About Their Childhood Birthday Parties

"¡QUE LE MUERDA! ¡QUE LE MUERDA!"

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1. Your favorite superheroes would surprise you at your birthday party and it was everything.

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Mom: "¡Mira! ¡Es el TOR!"

Me: "YAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!"

2. The neighborhood would smell like some bomb-ass carne asada.

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3. Or your family would hire a taquero...

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5. Your dad and uncles made sure there was enough alcohol available the day of the party.

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6. If you were extra ~pipiris nice~, you got a jump house for your birthday party.

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And proceeded to bust out all the wrestling moves you ever wanted.

7. Your family would sing you four different versions of the Happy Birthday song.

"Feliz Cumpleaños a ti..."

“Qué linda está la mañana…”

"Happy Birthday to you..."

Me: "OK. Can i blow out the candles now?" —

Tias: — “¡AHORA LAS MAÑANITAS!”"

>_<

8. Your family would always, without fail, smash your face into your cake.

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Family: "¡Que le muerda! ¡Que le muerda!"

You: "I don't want anyone to push me!"

Cousin: "Don't worry. I'll protect you."

::Cousin proceeds to push your face into the cake.::

9. And sometimes, it would make you a little... angry.

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Just a little.

10. Your birthday cake was often tres leches along with that Jell-O stuff with fruit inside.

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The Jell-O stuff...that no one ever ate.

11. Your birthday piñata always looked...uh...weird.

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Mom: "¡Mira! Te compramos una piñata de Las Tortugas Ninja!"

Me: "I WANTED A POKEMON!"

Mom: "........¡¿Qué dijiste HIJO DE TU MADRE?!"

...

Me: "...no, pos nada."

12. Someone would always have to climb on the roof to hold the rope for the piñata.

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Dad: "¡Súbete!"

Brother: "¡No quiero!"

Dad: "¡QUE TE SUBAS!"

13. Someone blindfolded and spun you around five times with a giant stick in your hand.

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Everybody: ♫ "¡DALE DALE DALE! ¡NO PIERDAS EL TIRO! ¡PORQUE SI LO PIERDES! ¡PIERDES EL CAMINO!"

::Kid starts swinging.::

Everybody: "AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

14. You would always end up whacking your little cousin in the head, who got in the way while trying to pick up a loose Pelon Pelo Rico.

15. And then they would start crying...

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The type of cry where they open their mouth really wide but make no noise.

16. And then he would be whisked away by one of your tias.

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Tías: "¡¿YA VES?! ¡ESO TE PASA POR MENSO!"

17. And after an all-too-brief moment of concern for your cousin's well-being, the piñata breaking would continue because GODDAMN IT, WE HAD A PIÑATA TO BREAK!

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Dad: "¡A ver... ¿A QUIÉN LE TOCA?!"

18. When somebody finally broke the piñata, everybody went apeshit.

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Even your 70-year-old grandma would jump into the fray.

70.

19. The rondalla would show up at some point in the evening.

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Me: "Where did they come from?"

Cousin: "Who knows? They're my dad's friends."

20. Instead of a gift, your relatives would give you your birthday present in the form of a handshake bribe.

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Grandma: "¡Pos' es que nunca compro lo que quieres!"

21. At the end of the night, no matter how quirky your family may be, no matter how crazy they get...

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22. ...they're YOUR family and that's the best birthday present you could ever get.

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