Hey Bacon, You Suck And Sausages Are Better
That's right: Bacon sucks!
Real talk, yo: It's time we discuss a serious problem that has been plaguing our society for far too long. I'm talking about the over-appreciation of this:
If you love bacon, that's cool. But I'm here to inform you that you're wrong.
But you know what is great? You know what kicks bacon's ass any day of the week? This:
Let me explain to your bacon-loving ass why sausages are better than your pathetic "pork chips" you like to call bacon:
(Ham lovers, go sit down at the kiddie table. Adults are talking).
1. Sausages taste like victory. Bacon tastes like beef jerky.
Sausages make you go, "I'm gonna conquer the day and make it my own personal sock puppet. FUCK YEAH!" Bacon makes you go, "Whatever. I don't give a shit anymore. Same old bullshit, different day." Sausages > Bacon.
2. A great sausage will have a semi-crunchy outside, packing in some juicy and tender meat on the inside.
3. Bacon and eggs look like that couple on the train that are one fart away from breaking up.
4. Sausages and eggs make a powerhouse couple filled with love, happiness, and lots of steamy juices.
It's true. It's damn true. Just look how happy those eggs look next to those sexy, plump, meat-packing sausages. The two ooze sexual chemistry just waiting to get all hot and messy. The real morning sex is happening in the kitchen (FYI, toast likes to watch).