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19 Words That Mean Something Completely Different When You're Obsessed With Makeup

Don't mind me — I'm gonna get Naked and bake for a while.

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2. Crease

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What everyone else thinks it means: A fold pressed into your pants by the dry cleaner.

What it really means: Where you apply your darkest eyeshadow for a true "bitch, I'm fabulous" look.

3. Waterline

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What everyone else thinks it means: A pipe that carries water.

What it really means: The fleshy pink area lining your eyelids, and the most dangerous place to put that $20 Smashbox liner you just spent your Sephora reward on.

4. Highlighter

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What everyone else thinks it means: A writing utensil used for marking important passages of text.

What it really means: A magical sparkly elixir applied to the lips, nose, and cheekbones that makes you look like you...if you were half unicorn.

5. Shade

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What everyone else thinks it means: Blatant and also sometimes, somehow, simultaneously low-key rudeness to another person.

What it really means: The almost imperceptibly slight difference between the 600 lipsticks in my drawer.

6. Baking

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What everyone else thinks it means: The process of making cookies, cakes, and pastries.

What it really means: The process of letting makeup settle on one's face for an extended period of time, making fine lines into skin that would make a baby's ass jealous.

9. Roots

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What everyone else thinks it means: The veiny system that anchors a tree or other plant into the ground.

What it really means: The parts of your hair most disrespectful of the three months and $900 it took you to get that perfect cotton candy color.

10. MAC

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What everyone else thinks it means: A computer or other device manufactured by Apple.

What it really means: The holiest of all makeup brands. Also sometimes referred to as "the gates of heaven."

11. Red

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What everyone else thinks it means: A warm, intense color often associated with fire engines and cherries.

What it really means: Ruby Woo, Film Noir, Cardinal, Dangerous, and Diva (and those are just the ones I tried before leaving the house today).

12. Blush

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What everyone else thinks it means: The natural flush of pinkness that comes over a person's cheeks when they're embarrassed.

What it really means: $30 less in my savings account.

13. Bed

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What everyone else thinks it means: The soft, cozy place you lay your perfectly coiffed head at night.

What it really means: The layer of dermis most likely to get exposed in a door slamming incident when your manicure is most thoroughly lit.

14. Kohls

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What everyone else thinks it means: The department store where you go to spend your hard-earned Kohl's cash.

What it really means: Creamy, heavily pigmented, luxurious liners that make you look like Cleo-fucking-patra.

15. Swatch

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What everyone else thinks it means: An affordable Swiss wristwatch brand.

What it really means: The 374 very slightly varied shades of pink all over your hand right now.

16. Diffuse

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What everyone else thinks it means: To spread something out over a large area.

What it really means: To use a tool that detangles and defines your curls, so that you don't feel the need to cut them all off, spreading them over a large area of the salon floor.

17. Benefit

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What everyone else thinks it means: A perk from your job in addition to your salary — e.g.,medical coverage or a 401(k).

What it really means: Where you spend all that money you should be investing in your 401(k).

18. Primer

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What everyone else thinks it means: The sticky substance used to prepare walls before painting.

What it really means: OK, so basically that, except by "walls" I mean "your face."

19. Wings

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What everyone else thinks it means: The most delicious item on the sampler platter (tied with potato skins and mozzarella sticks).

What it really means: The line of makeup extending from the outer corner of your eye, two of which you will probably never get to match.

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