Style

25 Things People Did To Feel More Confident During Sex

Because you are human, and you are hot as hell.

We asked the BuzzFeed Community how they let go of their insecurities and embraced their bodies during sex. Here are the results.

1. Communicate honestly.

MTV

“I told him about what I was insecure about, and we worked on it together.” Submitted by adrianajaec

2. Strip down as a team.

“The first time with my partner, he made sure things stayed equal. Once my shirt had been removed, his shirt was next. My pants, then his pants, etc. Neither of us felt too vulnerable about our bodies because we could both see the same parts of each other.” Submitted by Kat Walters, Facebook

3. Consider that your partner might also have insecurities, and act accordingly.

“I slept with one woman who always kept her shirt on. I was afraid I’d come off too thin or not have the type of ‘equipment’ she’d want, but learning she was equally insecure with her waistline and breasts helped me realize we were in the same boat. So I got completely butt naked to show we could let go with each other, and once she saw that, she let go too.” Submitted by Sam Goodlin, Facebook

4. Show ‘em your skills.

Comedy Central

“I grew up chubby, and developed insecurities that come with it. To get over this, I go down on women as often as possible, which makes me feel in control and empowered by the effects I’m having.” Submitted by Craig Birnie, Facebook

5. Interrogate the structures that have made you insecure.

“I’m still in the process of my sexual journey, but easily the biggest help for me was the book Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski. It really changed the way I look at my body and sexuality, and it’s helped me to pinpoint my sexual hangups and how to start fixing them.” Submitted by Kc Shoemake, Facebook

6. And make sure to educate your partners, too.

“After I had ileostomy surgery, it took me a long time to want to be intimate. I directed my new partner to a website on the topic, and when it came time to have sex, I made sure that I had a top on which I rolled down so it completely covered my bag.” Submitted by kirstinpeter82

7. Or if health-related literature isn’t your thing, get your fiction on.

BBCFour

“Erotic novels made me feel confident; no more shame in my bang game.” Submitted by brittanymcintoshj

8. Seek out narratives besides what’s in the mainstream.

“Porn! No joke. There’s a vast array of body types out there in the porn world — everybody has a type. It made me realize that even though I didn’t fit the big boobs/big butt/little waist mold, I could still be sexy.” Submitted by kellyd20

9. Absorb the good vibes of confident people around you.

“I worked behind the bar in a strip club for over a year, and the girls’ confidence was contagious. It made me realize you don’t have to be a size six with huge boobs to be sexy. As you long as you believe it, others will too!” Submitted by tracyn45359ffc4

10. Slip into something a little more comfortable.

HBO

“The main thing that has helped in bed is wearing lingerie! I feel so sexy and confident, and it makes sex 100 times better.” Submitted by roundsjennifer13

11. Remember we’re all simple animals…who are worth love and respect.

“All guys are thinking is, ‘I SEE BOOBS’ and/or ‘NAKED LADY IN FRONT OF ME,’ not ‘Oh good god, she has a stretch mark on her ass!’ It’s hard, but just remind yourself that your naked body is a gift, and anyone who gets the privilege of seeing it is incredibly lucky.” Submitted by Hannah Spelman, Facebook

12. Free yourself of baggage.

“The first time I had sex with a new partner after years of battling anorexia and going to therapy, I chose to leave past ghosts behind. I saw in his eyes how my nudity turned him on, and it opened my eyes to the power of allowing yourself to be vulnerable. We are all just people, after all.” Submitted by Gemma Dodd

13. Understand you’re not fooling anyone — and let that liberate you.

Netflix

“I think I actually got more confident as I got bigger, since now I have a few extra pounds I can’t hide by holding my stomach in or lying at a certain angle. Once I’d realized I couldn’t hide the bits of me I didn’t like any more, I got way more into the moment and started having amazing sex!” Submitted by j48255bac3

14. Less spectatoring, more feeling.

“When I am having sex I take all my attention and focus it on whatever is feeling really good. Keeping my focus on the sensations, I never get stuck in my head listening to negative and fear-based thoughts.” Submitted by RadiantMephit

15. Try a noncommittal approach (even if it evolves into commitment).

“I decided to have a one night stand for the first time, figuring that if a complete stranger would be willing to have sex with me then surely I couldn’t be all that bad. Turns out I was right; it was so good we ended up embarking on a five year relationship. We’re getting married next year.” Submitted by Steevie Marie Organ, Facebook

16. Learn what you want, then go out and get it.

 

“I’m newly single after 20 years of marriage, and I have to show my body to guys again — but I decided this time around that it’s all about me and what I like. I wear what I want, I talk the way I like it, I tell them what I like, and if we both enjoy the same stuff, the fireworks are pretty freaking incredible. I haven’t regretted it once.” Submitted by Carrie Sweeney

17. Find your community.

“After years of bullying about my appearance and my sexual preferences, I joined a fetish social networking site, and loved every minute of the attention I got online. My friend and even I started going to fetish events where there were so many different kinds of people embracing who they were. That’s when I started to really love my body.” Submitted by tashab4e7b7ed54

18. Try exhibitionism on for size.

“I was made fun of throughout school for having dark skin, and felt like I would be seen as gross or ugly no matter what. I got sick of that fear, so I signed up to audition for a modeling competition. I was chosen, and had to stand in the middle of Nordstrom in nothing but Calvin Klein briefs. My logic was, if I can stand in the middle of a packed mall basically butt-ass naked, then what is there to be afraid of?” Submitted by Jason L. Johnson, Facebook

19. Check yourself out for once.

Columbia Records

“I made a point of looking in the mirror each day and saying positive things about myself.” Submitted by bethl453265e0e

20. Embrace exactly the areas you’ve been taught not to.

“I’m not a thin girl, and I have always been self conscious about my midsection, especially during sex. I thought partners would look at it and just nope the hell out of the room, but it turns out to be the opposite — I learned to love my body during sex when I owned those ‘problem areas.’” Submitted by Jenna Anderson, Facebook

21. Think about things rationally.

“I think I simply realized one day that if my boyfriend really does like me half as much as he (repeatedly) insists he does and is willing to spend actual quality time with me and have sex with me on a regular basis, then surely I can’t be all that unattractive.” Submitted by Nia Rose Thomas, Facebook

22. Accept that loving yourself as is, right now, is allowed.

FOX

“It was clear from the start that my partner and I liked each other for exactly who we are, and wouldn’t want each other any other way. It’s helped me to realize that we’re all human, we all have bits about ourselves that we hate, and we all have good days and bad days, but we all deserve to be happy. Society makes it seem like a sin to love yourself or be happy with the way you look, and the sooner you shake that off, the better.” Submitted by Keira C Georgeson, Facebook

23. Realize you don’t exist for others’ approval.

“The second I stopped wishing I would be some shape or some way for a guy, I realized I was more than enough.” Submitted by yayforboo

24. Just be like, “YOLO.”

“The realization that you only get one body in this lifetime, so you might as well enjoy the hell out of it. Your body can do and feel amazing things; embrace it! This works outside of sex as well. Afraid to dance in front of other people? Screw them! Dance!” Submitted by Annie Jay, Facebook

25. And finally, know that if they don’t appreciate you, they’re not worth your time.

Bravo

“I gave myself a break: I told myself that I’m allowed to have flaws because real people have them, and if someone expects me to be perfect then they aren’t a healthy interaction anyway.” Submitted by s4ebade5fc

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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